rich uncle monkey

hello my name is CJ and ill be your professor today. Pens and papers out.

who here noticed how bad yesterday sucked? (-jots down the large percentage of hands raised-)

yesterday didn't just suck. it blew. it was just one of those days. ask anybody you know, and I bet you my firstborn, that their day sucked equal amounts. It was busy, and that isn't a bad thing. But because of my lack of skillz (skill #1: being able to orchastrate my life whilst working the most "on-call" of professions), I ended up being bitched at, and cut down, by not one... not two... but THREE people. All in the span of like maybe two hours (max).

All of these three individuals had enough plenty of a right to be pissed, so for that i do not blame them. I just didn't want to feel the intense-ness of their ultra-strong plasma harsh rays. [ZAP! -fries cj into a fine dust-] I did not, i repeat.. I did NOT intend to offend any of them, or do something wrong to their mothers, or give them the impression that they should hold me in much higher regard then they were. Bah, even a thousand of the most genuine and sincerest apologies known to man, that I was able to muster out.... shot down.

the end of summer is nearing. I am stressed-the-fuck-out, and (ya right) like you'll be able to force me to spit out what it is. Good luck. I hold this stress near and dear to my heart, and within the next week is when it will all come bursting out. More than likely, in a crazy fit of rage, or some sort of colassol mental break down. Either way, they both sound like promising alternatives compared to swallowing my pride now and just fucking spitting it out.

I want to DO something. I want to go outside and finish enjoying the summer. I want to quit complaining about how crappy the weather has been, and enjoy how nice it is now.... cuz children, we live in mother-trucking Winnipeg. It doesn't get much nicer than this. Its all downhill from here, bab-eeeee.

I am sick of WAITING to do something. I am sick of my schedule revolving around people who have nothing better to do with their time than make me believe that sitting around and doing nothing will actually accomplish a great deal. oops... that isnt right at all now, is it?

I have this apartment.

Yeah, my usual same-ol apartment. Probably about a block away from where I woke up this morning (I wake up every morning here). I pay a decent amount of money for rent like most upstanding citizens do these days. And this home of mine happens to be very important to me. It is the first place of residence that I have been situated at for a longer period of time than a couple months, in four years. The first place where I have my own bedroom, bed, and personal space (as opposed to sharing a bed, sleeping on couches, and trying to take up as little space as possible in someone else's home im "crashing" at), in four years. My crazy nutjob of cats are there as well as my ass-kicking rat prince.

Now why is it, that every time I am at home, i feel incredibly guilty.

[sentence: life]

Is my home not good enough for some people? I understand any recently explained attachment to new surroundings. Maybe thats what is going on with me, too? But, I miss things and stuff and all sorts of odds and ends that happened really not that long ago.