living dead grrrrrrl

Why can't everything just be uncomplicated? And all the decisions we make, be done without any regard to the underlying conditions? Why must we take into consideration, the continuously confusing (and seemingly ridiculous) human emotions involved, when we act upon anything?

Gawd, it's so fucking confusing - this life bullshit. And unnecessarily so!

+++++

Why do I care so much about what someone else does with their own life, as long as they are safe and (especially in the long run) making sure their needs are taken care of? And worry about them. Especially one person when it comes to one situation.
Perhaps it strikes a cord in me, a little deeper than that.
One that wonders if this person even still standing strong behind her morals and values that once held her high (and her nose, even higher) above her peers. And especially above the general population.
But, I sit and wonder to myself several things. I question what gives me the right to judge, and the right to have an opinion. ....I can have an opinion about whatever I choose to. But judge?
That's pretty petty.
Especially for me.
To judge the actions she chooses to partake in (whether or not it be on regular basis), wouldn't be right of me. I know lots about it from any info given to me from her, through stories or pie charts... or whatever. And I have most definitely heard (then again, who hasnt?) everybody else's extremely biased thoughts and opinions on the matter.
To be honest, those extremely biased opinions go through one ear and out one of the other ones. I do not have room in my life for hate. Or haters.
Fuck that noise.
So therefore, I am looking on the subject of the matter and STILL wondering if I have the right to discriminate- because that's what it is. Discrimination. Straight up.
Because, folks... it is 2009. I don't know if you noticed, but a lot of things that a LOT of us do sounds absolutely terrible on paper. I am not going to lump her to together with all "the others" (that i dont actually personally know, but apparently base my opinion on according the movies and television)...

Asdjglksdfjglsfdjgsldfgjsldkfgjlasjflaksdjgf..
sigh. I dont know. I am confused. That(/this) rant was(/is) about Jynx, who strips. I worry that she is losing who she is. Or who she was.
But [**dramatically stands up.. somehow.. over the internet**] ...you know what? We all change. We all grow up. We all evolve as humans and learn, and use experiences to forward us... blah blah blah.
She is good, and soon-to-be-very-good, at what she does. She is happy doing it. She makes more money than at a call centre or a fast food restaurant, or at any other conventional job! There is less drugs going into her system than ever. And she looks and feels great.
It is not like it was any concern, but her confidence factor is through the roof.
Degradation is actually the last thing I am worried about.
She knows fully well what she is doing, and how to do it better. Of course, I am concerned about her safety... but jebus, she's lived on the streets and most definitely found herself in more serious situations than her current "day" job.
And what do I know about the life of a stripper? I will tell what I know... absolutely nothing. There are plenty of these so-called "dancers" out there that also handle an actual day job, and juggle some children [not literally.. or wait, maybe literally? i never asked...] in there too.
So listen, CJ (as well as anyone that would fucking consider themself a hater of sorts), if she wants to strip, let her strip. Good for her, because she actually has the balls to put herself out there in a vulnerable position and STILL keep her grip on reality and still gain inspiration from it. Especially the hotel rooms, and the long drives out, and the mega late hours.
If she really actually believes that it is right for her.. then, isn't it????????
It concerns ONLY her, and if she really truly and honestly wants it and likes it for all the right reasons then that is all that fucking matters.
It.. affects.. NOBODY... else.
I am reasoning with myself, as I type.
So... FUCK the stereotypes. Even myself, have proven so many labels false. And ridiculous. And old-fashioned. And just plain fucking stupid..

I should be the last person to hate.
In fact, (you know what?) I am fucking happy for her.

Good..
..damn it.
And everyone else should be too.
Jynx is a rad person. Anybody who thinks otherwise, is clearly being stubborn and does not even know the girl.
I wish I could shake everybody into reality, sometimes.


Hmm.. perhaps THAT is why we shouldn't shake babies.
(**note to self: do not test this theory**)