Hire me. Fire me. Actually, piggy-back me instead.

Last night I slept terrible.
This did not stop me from dreaming, even though every hour or two I would sit up in bed, puffing on my e-cigarette, reliving the dream I just had in my head. Then I would lay back down on my pillow and repeat the process. I must have awoken five or six times throughout the night.

This dream was the most recent of them. And the one I can most accurately offer up more details.

DREAM ::

It took place within this strip mall. The front were these large windows, that so incredibly mirrored the outside world in such a way hard to describe. Inside were stores...  for example, a small grocer, a hairstylist, and a slightly larger drug store. You could travel between the stores without going outside. Or through the back hallway area, meant for employees only.

In the short time period of one day, I had so easily gotten myself employed at the hair stylists. I would just be shampooing people's heads, and cleaning up the hair trimmings. Altho it wasn't long, before my acting out by rebelling against the products they were using on people... got me fired from the job. It was quick. It was painless.

I went over to the drug store next door. It was similar in style to many shoppers drug marts that I have been inside. Them, without knowing that their neighbour hairstylist had already hired and fired me that same day, also gave me a job.

I suppose I was just far too rowdy to hold down a job.
For I was on this other person's back getting a piggy-back ride, and they were carrying me up and down the aisles. We were running around. Things were getting knocked over. In the excitement of getting this piggy-back ride, I didn't even realize for the first while that it was actually me that was carrying myself.

And then my perspective suddenly switched to the me that was doing all the carrying. At this point, my new boss and other employees were attempting to hunt us down, so I carried my other self to the back through the hallways behind the stores. Finally we crouched down in this locker room, where we discussed the schematics of this all.

The dream became lucid here... for I was talking face-to-face with myself, carrying on a conversation about how this all was possible. There was no way that I couldn't realize that this was just the insanity my dream world was making up for me. So, bam! the realization of the dream turned it into a lucid one.

I only got to spend a small amount of time exploring a portion of the locker room with myself as my companion. We then saw an opening in the ceiling tiles, with a pile of boxes below it. I boosted myself up. It was just in time too, as we both looked down through the hole from the ceiling we were in and saw the people chasing us go running past.

And I woke up.

+++++++

Two jobs hired and fired in one dream. That was impressive, even for me. It is clear why I dreamt of this, seeing as how I am job hunting with everything I got these days. It doesn't worry me, though. I feel like I will be able to pull myself through this with much less incident than this dream indicated.

DREAM...:

In this dark underground bunker, there was this very small window-less corridor that came out from one door - the entrance, and then it would wind around turning left, and then turning right, and then led to the exit. Both the entrance and exit doors were very thick, solid doors with windows to watch into the corridor.

Watching the corridor through those doors were prison guards and a warden. They were watching that corridor because, inside of it, was squished approximately forty inmates. The halls were thin, with a low ceiling, and along the walls on both sides of the inmates, were these very large heavy metal barrels. Nearly unmoveable by oneself.

Personally, myself, I was not partaking in the dream; I was moreso a spectator, watching the events take place before my eyes. Although at times, I could float above them all and watch everything unravel before my eyes... I could also choose to take up the view point of any of these inmates, the prison guards and even the warden.

All the inmates were hardcore criminals, and would be getting a sentence of life had they been in a regular prison (as opposed to a corridor...). My impression was that the prison guards, under direct order of the warder, had trapped all the inmates in this corridor. The only way in or out was through the two doors, which were thick, solid and also heavily protected.

There was this mysterious over-hanging impending doom the entire dream, like a countdown until some tragedy of sorts. Until something would happen in this corridor and affect all of these inmates, to the joy of the prison guards and warden watching safely behind the doors, snickering and gossiping. There was a lot of profanity. There was no lack of threats. And I really got a glimpse of the private life of both the individuals from the prison, and the cliques involved. The inmates needed to get past any problems of beefs they had with each other in the past, and work together, if they wanted even the smallest chance of escaping this terrible situation.

The countdown was soon among them. And the inmates figured out that impending threat was to come from the heavy duty barrels lined up beside each and every one of them. I am not sure how, but one of the main guys (prison tattoos, bald head, scars a-plenty, and a natural leader among them) made a deal with the warden to let him have the satisfaction of killing him one-on-one, face-to-face. He somehow managed to use this haggling conversation with the him to get the information about what exactly was inside of those barrels. The inmates then used the contents, as well as the timer with the countdown, to their advantage, blasting a whole in the wall. About half of them escaped with their lives, while the rest was killed in the blast, and by other random half-assed traps set up. It was incredibly dramatic.

++++++

Tournament jousting arms

My dreams have become more intense. More frequently I have been able to snap myself into a lucid dreaming mode. And I have come to take full advantage of my time spent in this astral dreaming plane. I couldn't be more excited about it.

_____
My dream the other night was of aliens coming down from the sky. Big alien bug-like creatures with armoured sections. Their arms were shaped like two long conical tournament jousting weapons on each elbow.

My family and friends, along with other random people from my childhood past, seemed to be the target of the aliens falling from the sky and landing with a giant thud on the ground.

It wasn't very long into the dream when I realized amidst all the running from building to building with a small group of people, that this world was most definitely not real. Therefore meaning I was in a dream. I walked confidently towards the aliens, with the people behind me hiding behind fences, bushes, and construction equipment. I was not scared of them, and them not without a lack of trying to scare me.

Three quarters of the distance towards them I stopped walking. Got on my knees, still facing them. And then I bowed forward, as they came rushing directly towards us. The first alien, getting near, stopped beside me. I wasn't attempting to be invisible. What I was doing was a sign of respect, and I was succumbing to them.

An alien stopped, its full attention on me. It took its jousting-arm and placed the point of it on my back, along by spine, a couple inches below my neck. As soon as contact between me and it was made, it instantly communicated with me. It lasted about three seconds. I knew from here on, none of the aliens would see me as a threat.

These were the first few moments where I confronted the overlying issue of the dream, so that I could deal with it properly and move on to more interesting dream choices. With the alien invasion behind me and everything hectic now calm, I got down and put my face at ground level, taking in the spectacular detail that was the grass. It seemed, as I turned a 360, that the world had varying levels of surrealism depending on where I looked.

I walked towards downtown, finding myself entering a tall building. Several stories up, I found two old friends of mine. In this dream world, I was able to remind myself that their behaviour toward me was completely false, as told to me by subconscious. The entire time in their "presence" I was aware how this was not the real them.
_____


So slowly am I able to affect the outcome. One dream at a time.
I feel that my subconscious creates certain scenarios to place me into once I fully submerse myself into sleep. And in those scenarios I either learn to cope with it, or remind myself to do so in the real world.

First dream - 

At my grandparents house. My grandpa was not around, but my grandma was. She was busy running around packing all of her things up into boxes, as though they were moving. She kept treating me funny the whole time, like as though I was the one acting weird.

I snuck into the garage, which is attached the the house. I wasn't supposed to be there. It didn't seem like there were a lot of bikes in there at first, but there actually were quite a few. There was two bikes leaning against the workbench, and then four hanging from the rafters. Another couple under a tarp, and a few more with some drywall leaning up against them. I knew that one of these, or more, were my dad's bike(s). And since my grandparents were packing up the whole house, I wanted one of them for myself. I figured I could take my dad's old bike, since he had died a while ago,... and really, were my grandparents going to need so many bikes? They clearly weren't going to ride them, and probably would just get rid of them anyway.

It took me quite some time but I managed to get a really nice, blue bike (that wasn't my dad's after all) down from the rafters and then sneakily took it down the driveway. Right then, my grandma decided she would come out and check on me. So I hid it at the end of the driveway, in the neighbour's yard behind a row of bushes. I was sure that she had caught on, but she didn't see the bike.

My grandma continued acting all strange towards me, treating me like it was me that was being the weird one. I followed her back into the house, where my family had gathered and was sitting in the living room. All of a sudden I was confronted by them all - "CJ, why are you acting like that?".. sort of accusing me that my behaviour was that of a sketchy thief and drug addict. My response to them was that since everyone was treating me funny, so obviously that would be my reaction. I just wanted to get out of there and get to my bike lying in the neighbour's front yard, before someone else could steal it. But instead of leaving, my uncle came up behind me and put his hands on my face and started massaging my face in a really strange way, saying that "this will calm you down."


Second dream -

This took place in a cabin in the woods. There was a lot of people I knew here. It was my birthday, and they were all here for my birthday party.

A friend of mine, Talin, was on a riding lawn mower, cutting the grass in a very unorthodox way. He drove directly into the bush in a straight line, for about a quarter of a mile. I followed him of course, which was not very hard because he had cut out this little trail. He mowed a circle into the bushes, while I hid behind a tree watching, and then followed his path back to the cabin.

When I returned back, my mother had set up a game with a deck of playing cards for everybody. However, I wasn't allowed to play because there was this donkey which had apparently gotten away from my birthday party. I had to find him. I left down the road, following these tracks. That's how I knew I was going in the right direction.

It led me to this campground area, where this donkey was now scared. He had this rope tied around his neck, and if I could grab that I could lead him back. It took awhile to get close enough to him to grab the rope. I had to earn his trust. And eventually I did. We had a connection, this donkey and me. He would stare into my eyes and somehow we could communicate. I couldn't hear his thoughts, but I just knew.

We walked back to the cabin. When I got there with him, the games were done with. I tied the donkey up behind the cabin. My little cousins were all gathered around me and they wanted to and pet him. The donkey was not keen on this idea, and would freak out when any of them came near. I was the only one who could be near him.

It started to snow out, and everybody piled inside of the cabin. Against everybody's wishes, I brought the donkey inside with me. He was cold, and I had made friends with him. Plus it was my birthday. He wanted to come inside too, so there was no way I was going to leave him by himself in the sudden cold.

The Girl in Purple

Dream:

The beginning of my dream takes place in one of those big indoor play structures. Complete with the alternating colored plastic tunnel pieces. It was about five or six stories high. And a large spiraling slide. Outside of this play place, a revolution was taking place. And inside, were the activists and revolutionaries trying to overthrow the government.
I jump into the large spiral slide, and about three quarters of the way down I meet this girl in purple. The slide then dumps us out into this large pool, where I was able to jump out of the water not unlike how dolphins do.
Outside of the play place, there were large holes along the wall. If you got too close, these large metallic snake like creatures would extend out and try to grab you and shoot you with their tiny laser eyes.

I escape the building where all this is happening, thus bringing me back in time.

Outside this place where the revolution was being held, I discovered I was able to fly. And I began the search for the girl in purple, whom I knew was then hitch-hiking towards the location of the plastic play structure. The landscape I was flying over, was that of a few fields in one direction, with mountains and heavy forests in the other. I flew the way over the forests, through a narrow opening in the trees. I was flying below the height of the trees, so that no one would see me. That led me into a clearing.
I was suddenly confronted with the fact that I couldn't go any further. There was was this extremely high fence directly in my way, with a few random militia guys making sure I wasn't able to get through. It was now seeming more and more like this was only a game. And that everything was part of a big set-up.

So i turned around and began flying a different route back. I came across small group of houses, that looked straight out of 1920. There was a larger family eating outside on a picnic table. A few ran into the houses, because I wasn't supposed to be there. However, there was this couple that grabbed me by the elbow once I landed on the ground, and brought me with them on some sort of adventure into the land behind their property. I explained how I needed to find this girl in purple, which they explained that they knew where she had gone. We came across this lake, and on the other side of it was the city where the revolution was taking place. I had almost returned right back where I had started.


Now this is the first dream I recall actually going back through time.

Free Zombie Haircuts at the Mall Today

Dream

Scene: At the mall, around a fountain.
I had set up these barbers chairs around the fountain, and waited, calling out to those walking past to sit down and try out these new haircuts. It was for zombies only. And pretty soon, I had all six or seven chairs full of zombies that anticipated their new haircut. Not for real living persons.

Real world Sewer Travel

Let's catch up on a couple of dreams here...

This first dream took place in a school gymnasium, altho in the centre of it was a large circular pit. My friend Emma either lived or worked out of the small office attached to the gym. I was on one side, and on the other, a few friends of mine that were constantly trying to hit me with dodgeballs, even tho I couldn't seem to pick any of them up for myself. So needless to say, I wasn't able to defend myself against their barrage of dodgeballs. My girlfriend seemed to be leading the ruthless retaliation against me. There was also an incident that happened in the smaller equipment room that housed all the gym stuff, but that seems to be escaping me.

When everyone had left the gym, leaving only my girlfriend, Emma, and myself... both my girlfriend and I had left these separate 5'x5' works of art, comprising mostly of duct tape on the walls. Emma, who was in charge of the gym, was trying to make us move them or take them down. My girlfriend then blew it off when it had to be taken down, and just said it was mine. Then left. And since this art was comprised of pretty much tape, its safe to say that they were quite securely stuck to the wall. I tried dearly to take this off, without ruining the art. A few people that were there for the entirely unfair game of dodgeball, came back to give me a hard time about why it was not welcome. In dreamworld, tho, I could not get at any of the edges. And the art did not move.

I do know that I woke up quite pissed off.

The second dream was much more of a lucid one. I was controlling a vast majority of it. I seem to have quite the number of exploration dreams in a wide array of buildings. This dream starred my old friend Talin and myself. We were attempting to get into this large, fancy hotel but the front doors were locked to us because it was late. We ended up climbing up some trees in the back of the place and sneaking through a window.

The whole point of this adventure was to see how many places we could get to without hotel security or staff noticing us prowling around. We would try hotel room doors and sneak into rooms where people were sleeping, without disturbing them. There is nothing like waking a sleeping patron to get us kicked out. We adventured down into the boiler room, which was very extensive and even had its own underground waterway.

This hotel also had an impressive sized pool in the front desk area where someone would check in. It was quite fancy. We never got caught, and it was an overall fun, however short, dream.


Maybe the water is symbolic of something. This isn't the first time I've dreamt of underground waterways beneath buildings. There have been dreams in the past that I have just jumped right in and it would bring me into the darkness, and then back out to another place with large basements and underground rivers. And I had complete control to where this would take me. I am pretty sure that I had thought this was a real thing for a while, until I realized it was just another dream... and that I probably shouldn't consider this sewer-method possibility for real world travel.

Okay, let's get my internet on.

dream:

All of my favorite people make their appearance in this dream. We are all riding around inside of new age underground subway system. I don't go into any of the other "cars". Our car was the very last one. People would sleep hanging in this weird mesh and plastic bed. And there were four beds on each side, one on top of the other, up to the ceiling. The walls were curved because the subway car was curved.

We travelled very quick in this subway thing. I could tell it was fast because there were a few very, very small windows that I could see out of. There was not a whole lot to see. Being as, it was underground and moving very fast. I'd see the illuminated blur of an object go flying past every so often, but that was it.

Just like how a school bus has the ceiling emergency exit panel that can be removed in case the bus is on its side and all the other door's are blocked... well, this subway car had something very similar, except when the panel was kicked in it led to a small cylinder shaped area that could fit only a single person. There were metal rungs I could climb up, to reach this super heavy, and significantly small door. I open the door, and the area allowed just enough space to fit the upper half of my body out of. I could see outside, which was a beautiful green and blue blur of nature racing by. Somehow I could climb out of the top of my underground subway car to see outside.

I went back inside my car. There was some anticipation because the track was about to end. And we all had to get off. End of the line. The track ended in what looked like the end of a tunnel, coming out into a world completely opposite of the one it had just been in. Behind me was dark, murky tunnel. Ahead of me, the opening into green luscious field and trees. That was the ideal direction to go.

Myself and all my friends and famiy were not getting out of this tunnel fast enough, however. These pokemon started to grow out of the blackness of the tunnel and could of the dirt, and they were not friendly. If we weren't moving, these things would begin to accumulate beneath our feet and slowly grow larger and more fierce, up from the ground. These pokemon claimed one life, as they took him kicking and screaming into the darkness. I do not know who that was. Nobody was concerned with their belongings any more. So everybody I was with hurried their ass out of the tunnel and into the green grass and the sun. The pokemon did not follow, but their eyes were still visible to us when we looked back into the tunnel.

And I woke up.

Dream: Horizontal Doors

Dream:

It took place in a smaller sort of bungalow style house, with a pool in the backyard.

I was living on an orange futon that had a big glass door that lead the backyard. I could see the pool well. My mom would come and go in the dream, asking me if I was ready to go. I kept making up excuses, however, because at night I was to meet somebody beneath the slide. I suppose with top secret plans. When my mother would come to check on me, I would bolt it outside and hop over the fence that led to someone else's backyard to hide from her.
To avoid having to go home. That's confusing, because didn't I live on that orange futon? I guess I had to painstakingly defend my territory (the orange futon).

I would jump into the pool fully clothed, although I had no feeling of being uncomfortably wet in my clothes when I got out... even though I was clearly soaked. I don't know what this proved. But I did it anyways.

Suddenly there was a conspiracy down the street, in the big out-of-place mansion that wasn't supposed to be there. It definitely didn't fit in with the other much smaller suburban houses that took up the street.
Now, because I did not want my mom to be aware of me missing for some reason, I insisted on jumping fence after fence, running across numerous back yards until I got to this mansion. I surely could have just used the front door of the house and just walked down the street.

The extremely large house was in a world of its own. It was spooky and run-down in one aspect, but on the other hand, altho slightly creepy, the interior was well-furnished with expensive things and a nice paint job. Clearly there were people had lived here or were living here. Instead of a normal door, which stands vertically, to get inside you had to get down on your stomach and squeeze through. And it was on an incline.

Inside this house, appeared to be two suites, like a side-by-side. I only partially saw the one side. And it was a nice home. With way too much space appropriated to the dining room. The dining room table was so large that it filled the room, with hardly any space to pull back your chair and sit down. The walls were painted a dark red.

Im not too clear on this part, but I do know there were other people in the house. But everyone was perched in the windows. Including me. A black metal fire escape ran up the back of the house, but it had holes in it everywhere, and would not hold up to today's standards for a safe fire escape. Everyone kept making jokes that they would lean back and let go of the safety of their perch in the window and fall. And a few almost fell. Everyone would laugh.

Leaving the house by the window seemed like the more convenient way to get out of this place, since the front doors were horizontal and quite uncomfortable to fit through.

As I contemplated my escape from this house, I woke up.

Okay, so I have been thinking that I should be recording all these crazy-person thoughts I've been having lately, and a collection of all these dreams that I have every night. These dreams have been becoming increasingly revealing to my inner subconscious. Not to mention, more and more of them lucid. I find that exciting.

Dreams aside, life these days has been seriously lacking in the happiness category. Of course, there are bits and pieces to my day that generally make me happy here and there, but other than that I have been walking around with this dark cloud looming over my head. This dark cloud has been trailing behind me by about three steps, kind of like that cute neighbourhood cat that insists on following you to your destination after you stop to give it a quick pat on the head and some attention (like how i love to do).

Y'kno how you keep walking... and every so often you glance back behind you to see if that cat is still following you... yet, as soon as you make that eye contact it is right back to keeping pace with you?

Yeah. That "cute little cat" that followed you for three blocks... is that not-so-cute dark unwanted cloud that is following me for three months.

And I would just like it to go away.
It has been so goddamn distracting. Any movies I try to watch, I cant! But I try to anyways. I have to purposely pay extra attention to the movie, and tell my brain to STOP THINKING, otherwise I will just fall behind. It is a common occurrence these days where 15 minutes will have passed in whatever I have been watching, and I suddenly notice that I haven't seen or heard anything that has happened directly in front of me on the screen that I am staring straight into. Then I shake my head and rewind back to where I stopped paying attention. And this happens numerous times throughout one movie. Making something that 2 hours long, over three hours to watch.

Sigh of frustration.
Damn you, loud thoughts...

And it distracts me from countless other things as well. Including phone conversations, normal conversations. I just find it completely impossible to pay attention. Which makes me feel even worse, because I do not mean to come off as a space-case. Although it must look as such.

At this point, I have started to get really down on myself. Just beating myself up for things that I have to remind myself I have no control over. For example; why am I not doing something better with my life, and how have I not done this sooner...

I am not using this as an excuse, but I just know that all this is because I am bi-polar.
And wow, as much I like to think of it as just a goddamn phase that will hopefully eventually pass (as these patterns in the past have come to teach me...), it is so hard to break out of it. I would give anything to have to ability to manually shift these moods into manic. And oh how I love to be manic. The grass is always greener on the manic side. Always.
...until it all catches up with you, that is.

And at that point, I have no idea what color that grass is supposed to be.

Well this ends another rant for now.
These posts will become more frequent, as my dreams are of a nightly occurrence. And I want to keep a record of everything that is happening.
And life! Oh, and life.