Plant a tree

We need to work with our future selves and with our past selves. Not just for our present self. Because that will be the end of us. We need to take care of all of us.



"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is right now."

Me vs. They

This is just a rant... I have no plan here...
I do, however, have a topic at hand.

The topic of somebody that I know and the totally emotional take-over and upheaval they caused in my life. It is not like there ever is a convenient time to do such a thing, but there are definitely better times. For I was just getting out of the hospital in which I had stayed an extended visit. I knew not everything would be the same, but the world kept turning while I lie stuck in an over-sanitized limbo watching the clock, completely disconnected with the outside world. Upon my exit, I was hoping that this person in my life continued to play the role that they were playing leading up to the time I went in to the hospital. One would think that would be the case, right?
Nah.

I did trust them, And I continued to, due to the chosen ignorance I cast over myself. I put all my faith in them and let myself be led astray.
When we had always talked about everything and discussed things openly. Because we are awesome like that. Oh wait.... Or was it just something that we always said. I chose to believe it. I am pretty sure they did too.
When my brain thinks about this particular topic, you will notice that my eyes will glaze over in a distant stare. I am scanning my memory, trying to search for a time when I was able to openly bring up some serious and/or urgent matter with them. One which was ideally met with an equally open and willingness to listen sort of ear.
Instead? Moments like that were often met head-on, as though this small matter at hand was actually imperative to sustaining their ego. Or just flat-out denials, each word dripping with disdain and disgust with me as a human being for even bringing it up to begin with. It was almost as though they thought that by standing their ground and denying something to its death was their way of going back in time. To change the situation so it did not happen, or to hide it better so they wouldn't be found out and not be in this predicament to begin with.

Underneath the Foliage

Dream::

It was me and a few friends, at a cabin in the middle of the woods. It was autumn and the leaves were in the midst of changing between yellow to orange. This other group of people showed up. At first it was just two or three of them. But the group kept growing and soon they were at about twenty individuals. And they were starting to get aggressive and began picking on me and my friends.

It wasn't long before they were ganging up on us. Making full use of the term mob mentality. We had to run. It was important to get out of there. I led my group of friends and ducked into the woods, darting between trees, leaping over branches and stumps, and trampling the foliage beneath our feet.

A few of my slower friends fell behind and was absorbed by the angry mob. We came across this road in the middle of this forest. It was only me and another friend who chose to cross it. Everybody else was sceptical for some reason, and their indecisiveness was what led to their destruction.
They were overcome by these corrupted, angry strangers.

While that mob was distracted, me and my friend who had crossed the road quickly buried ourselves beneath a pile of fallen leaves. I did not have much time to accomplish this. And thus the top of my head and half my face was still showing. I did not have even a second more to make the single sweeping motion that it would have took to cover my head with more dead leaves. My only hope was that I would still blend in with my surroundings.
There I was, facing the direction from which I came, watching my friends be destroyed by the mob. It was hard and I did not want to watch, but I had little choice, lest I be noticed myself... and blow the cover for both me and my friend. I did not look away and maintained my cover, scared that they would notice my eyes staring back at them. I continued to lie there.

The mob emerged from the forest out onto the road, dramatically looking in both directions. A few squinted their eyes in the direction in which we were hiding, looking for any trace of us. Obviously assuming we had run, and not hid. They saw no path blazed by us into the forest. The mob split up; half going up the road, and the other half headed down. There was so much determination on their behalf to find us, the two remaining individuals... and ruin us, like they had my friends.


And thus... I awoke.

Jynx's Crystal Healing... part one

I went to Jynx's place after work today. She looks good. And I mean healthy and happy. I have known Jynx for nearly 10 years now, and she is one of my bests. I like seeing her happy.
She has taken up an interest in crystal healings and readings, and has since divulged herself in it.
I went to her house after work today and she performed a crystal healing on me. The first one I have had ever done. And the fifth one that she has ever done. I am happy I could help out, and also to open myself up just a bit more to this world.

The first half.. my thoughts were all over the place. But after a short while my thoughts started to focus in one direction and then another, without sporadically jumping about. Instead of the general worries of every day life, they started to form more around the prospect of me getting my life together. Giving me a sense of confidence in what I had gone through, bad or otherwise.

It is hard to say much more about it all.
After we ate roast beef [and this little piggy...] and watched some shows. Then left to find ourselves at Emma's apartment for a quick beer. Let's just call it a ten-minutes-or-less beer stop.
The apartment filled up quickly with folks getting together for Chadwick's birthday. Lauren was amongst those people. I get the strangest vibes sometimes in a room like that.

I easily could have stayed out tonight. But the real world called. And I don't really want to find myself in awkward situations surrounded by drugs. To be completely honest.
I can't pretend I am hardly twenty any more. Responsibilities. And a desire to take care of myself.

I wondered This...

I came to the realization today that in the past couple years, even the past few months, or few days, my views on life have completely shifted. Constantly evolving into something better and with more knowledge about the world at large. When in each present state I always feel like I know the absolute truth right then. Reality is - I don't. And clearly I will never know everything at any point in this life. Learning. Constantly learning with each passing situation.

It wasn't that long ago in which I felt like I was never going to be able to accomplish anything, And now, I actually feel that can take on the world. Which very different from the classic "taking over the world... more accurately associated when I am manic. Not going to lie - it does not mean it always feels like I am in control. Because sometimes you do not have the grasp on you things you thought you had that entire time.

Its learning to accept the bad feelings in life right alongside the good ones... that's what is tough. And I believe that once you learn how to do it, you conquer that bit. Right then and there.

But that is okay. Did you know that? Those shitty situations are the ones we learn from. Yes, they do have tough fucking lessons attached to them. They are the things that happen when you need to change something in your life. These times, annoying and irritating and plain despressing as they were... if it wasn't for them, I might not notice all the beautiful stuff life. The little things that never get noticed and walked right by... it is that which I have come to appreciate.

I think that it was coming face to face with death that has changed me. I am more of a person than I was before that moment leading up to my near demise. I am proud of who I am now. And to think I did not actually believe that I could become the me that I had lost a long a time ago.... revised, re-mixed, and evolved to make the me I am right here.

And I wonder how much more I will learn yet? And which ways I will grow.
I actually wonder this.