re-rewind.

today i screamed.

not into my pillow. not at anyone's face (not my style). but in the silent box of the truck cab. by myself - i fucking screamed.

it's not how i imagined it would sound. and it didn't last as long as I thought it would. but it happened.

i wish

it was more satisfying. altho I know the more I scream, it will never likely add up to the satisfactory amount of satisfaction I desire.

what happened today? wasn't I so bubbly bouncing along to my Happy Magical Ska and Reggae hour, not too long before?

not a clue.

now my stomach is left with that feeling... y'know, the one where its empty but its not. where it has a hollow ache from either too many laughs, too many sit ups, or too much sobbing?

its not welcome here.

i am sad this evening.

and more-so very very pissed off.

I keep catching myself clenching my teeth together extremely tight, while busying myself with even the simplest of mundane tasks. unclench, cj. you need those to chew.