i am doomed to forever not have a working computer.
(or a voice.)
my computer has been out of commission.. well, actually its been out of my hands for several months.. say two, two and a half? i gave it to a "friend" of mine cuz he was all like "blah blah blah i know computers. *insert technical term here* see?"
and i fell for it.
i gave him the box of metal and wires and do-hickeys known at my computer tower and let him work his magic.
ahem...
*COFF*
...."magic"

his magic sucked, so say the least. he broke a pin or something. so after a million people stating that they'd help make it work again (and then bailing), i got my dearest brother to take into foster care, my computer. he was busy. etc.etc. finally got it back. its not working. just straight up... blah.

im frustrated.

im achey.

and i have no voice. i seemed to have lost it yesterday. i tried backtracking, but i went so many places. no dice. no voice for dear old ceej.

so im a grump today, and i wish i wasnt.. because its so nice outside and i want to go and do something.

last night, i helped lauren clean one of the apartments next door that is to be rented out. i have never witnessed so much dust... the cleaning took a few hours. we finished at 4 am, after slacking as much as humanly possible. my throat and lungs are in rough shape today after all that dust, so lying down makes it a tad uncomfortable to breathe, so no i havent gotten much sleep.

body breaks

its not uncommon for me to get very little sleep. its also not uncommon for me to get no sleep at all sometimes. those two statements apply to Lauren as well.

but i have to say, its a terrible and awesome thing at the same time. without saying it, we both just keep being awake until ridiculous hours. when really, we are just glad to finally have the late night company! compared to how our routine used to be? where we felt the need to be absurdly quiet while everyone else slept. stepping on a wrong floorboard, meant the potential rude awakening of a sleeping monster/roommate. and it was BORING! lets see the rest of you consistently try to come up with something to do at 5am. Nothing's open... no one is awake. You get my point.

(point is, woe is me.... sar-caaaa-sm)

anyways, i started this wicked full page art piece and its looking fucking ass-kicking. just started inking it today. lauren got me excited for a little something called "secondary education". Thats right kids; university and/or college. We discussed the possibility of that university in Montreal for arts. And Emily Carr in Vancouver. Which is a lot less expensive than I had already imagined in my mind. Lauren is confident that i'd easily get in to any art school that I would apply to. I think she might be right. Anyone who has stumbled across me in the past two years would clearly note that I was attached to my sketchbook. Quite literally. It took a lot of hours on the operating table, but me and my sketchbook are finally one.

The world gets so damn excited for fridays. And i say, "meh". I'm pumped for them.. see? (*shows some sort of emotion*)

I actually get all worked up on thursday evening and stay up late and then friday i feel like my current condition.

All this is boring nonsense.

Not going to lie; i dont really have anything to say.

This guy I knew, Kris, fell off a balcony on Monday (i think it was Monday).

For all those wondering, he didn't survive. Its been on my mind a lot, since I've heard about it. He was engaged to my friend Tegan, who just less than a year ago, had her baby. She is not older than me. And she just came a long way from the life she had when I met her. I hope she stays strong through all this. It sounds like she has a lot of support, but I still worry. I mean, she has a baby. And I can only imagine what that is going to be like for her from now on.

Wondering where, if any, my friends have been lately?

I'm a lot less boring when the weather is nice. And I can move faster when there is my bike underneath me. I hope things pick up cuz its spring. Cuz im all motivated to find a job-like. And I want to move out of this house and get my own place. One thing at a time - obvvvvviously.

until next time, stay fit and have fun.

(bo and jo-anne? is that you???)

you should probably just throw it in my direction.

and the days are getting longer. and its officially spring.

and everybody is cleaning their houses with all their rooms and deciding that "nope, i dont think we should keep that perfectly functioning lamp. and all these extra prescriptions that I got filled...? well, i will just throw them out, because I never used them. and my brand new clothes with the price tags? hate the color. toss it out. especially those packs of smokes. wait, let me just smoke two or three cigarettes out of each one. then ya, garbage for those, too."

so to the person(s) that have stated something exactly/similarly to the above statement:... thank you.

you make dumpstering one of the great joys of spring/summer weather.

your garbage is my new awesome stuff.

right effin on.

got my bike out. got my hair tallest its been in awhile. got a hottie lady to aid me in my many journeys.

yup... =)

its gonna be a good next several months. you can tell im excited.

re-rewind.

today i screamed.

not into my pillow. not at anyone's face (not my style). but in the silent box of the truck cab. by myself - i fucking screamed.

it's not how i imagined it would sound. and it didn't last as long as I thought it would. but it happened.

i wish

it was more satisfying. altho I know the more I scream, it will never likely add up to the satisfactory amount of satisfaction I desire.

what happened today? wasn't I so bubbly bouncing along to my Happy Magical Ska and Reggae hour, not too long before?

not a clue.

now my stomach is left with that feeling... y'know, the one where its empty but its not. where it has a hollow ache from either too many laughs, too many sit ups, or too much sobbing?

its not welcome here.

i am sad this evening.

and more-so very very pissed off.

I keep catching myself clenching my teeth together extremely tight, while busying myself with even the simplest of mundane tasks. unclench, cj. you need those to chew.

drawing hot water.

drawing hot water.
Originally uploaded by blurred view

making empty conversation to the cold and hot water taps. little to they know, you choose favorites.

the science of exploding

a late-night last minute RE-realization that we had nothing other than water to drink, last night, turned into a 2am trip to shoppers. water is good, blah blah blah. but it doesnt taste very exciting, and my taste buds were in dire need of some stimulation. seriously, i could shuffle down those aisles forever in shoppers, oooohing and aaaawing at the sale prices and discounts. eventually leading me to make my next cheap flavor discovery. sorry, dont mind me... i am just in awe of the awesomeness of my 69cent 1litre purchase of orange soda.

not to be confused with those kids with cotton candy hands, and orange crush mouths, at carnivals that are last in line and by themselves so get placed in your tilt-a-whirl because maybe you look child-friendly. or like you would swear a lot less during the ride than the other current patrons.

brrrr i woke up today with a chill in my bones that i just cant seem to shake. o and believe me, i have tried.

lauren's brother moved out of the basement here at her place, where i happen to live too, and that leaves an empty bedroom and sort of living area downstairs, just ripe for the pickin. cue cj. i moved a few things into the basement, but now im waiting for her father to insulate the ceiling for the fabulous joys of sound-proofing. and building another wall that holds a door that happens to have a lock so i can sleep in peace. or something.

so more waiting.

thats okay. i think that i have almost perfected it by now. got it down to a science.

science isnt hard, right?..... right????? [panics and then continues to implode]

the factory ceej

dont worry dont worry, im here im alive.

im fine and healthy and kicking. i was just (sigh) internetless for about month. got a new sketchbook the other day and im five pages into it, and it looks fan-fucking-tabulous.

good thing I didnt have the internet for the past month, because to be honest all you folks would read is something along the lines of this,

"dear magical internet for the month of february,

bitch bit5ch bitch bitch bitch. woe is me. and you. ...and that guy over there. yup, definitely that fellow. anyways, art art art art. threaten landlord's life... but not actually. hate the system. sleep sleep sleep sleep... depressed to the max= sleeping 20 hours a day for about two weeks straight. lack of sunlight. lack of summer. Lauren = love of my life. keeps me going. keeps my head on. money is lacking. maybe there is hope? nope. money is lacking still. and still more.

bitch bitch bitch bitch BITCH complain complain complain.

sincerly,

ceej a leej"

money issues are looking up. im not so complainy.

also not depressed and full swing in some sort of manic dealio.

no complaints for that. will tell you a lil more later.

ps. madly in lurve with my baby, lauren. mwah!