jordans first choice

"Tell me how could you compromise
Yourself like this?
Tell me how could you blame anyone else
When you aren't really committed?
Tell me where was your head
When you broke that promise to yourself,
The one where you don't forget
Every life lesson that happend before your eyes
So you don't wake up to regret she's gone years away?
You had hopes and dreams of a day
Where everything, everything, everything would come together,
You wouldn't have to be so scared.

Are we just working till a day we decide we've had enough?
All along
We were strong enough
To be sick of it,
And put them back in their fucking place.
Never asked for this responsibility
We were never in this...
Together.

The reality that you know
Is just behind your idea
Of a society, security, and self.
Am I just fucked up?
'Cause I can't remember
The last time any of this made sense,
The last time I
Could stand up to myself.
Street faces all blend into one,
They ask for spare change.
Am I forgetting
What it looks like
From the other side?
Have I forgotten where I've come from?

Are we just working till a day we decide we've had enough?
All along
We were strong enough
To be sick of it,
And put them back in their fucking place.
Never asked for this responsibility
We were never in this...

Together..."

blasted winter...
so the weather has gotten colder yet again, which has re-kindled my love for warm transportation methods, and not leaving the house.
(ooooo winter jaccccckkkett.... where arrrrre youuuuuu???)
today i am going for hot chocolate with Phil!
phil rocks. I have been friends with that kid since the days of when I was seventeen... and all my friends were 18 and able to purchase beer and etc. and attend the punk shows that I couldn't.
He's the only cat that regularly visited me when I was locked inside the hospital for too long.
And the only one out of that st.b group of friends that still maintains contact for friendship reasons.

I need to dye my hair.
And its getting long and reckless.
Thats about all i have to say.
You're right. It wasnt very dramatic at all!

grind grind grind

okay, so it is 12:48 and I have just recalled that I was supposed to call back Britney (ex-W.) this evening to hang out. I am terrible. My plan making skills are at an ultimate low...
well, actually i am pretty alright at making plans... but the follow-through? ....apparently that is the one that sucks.
lauren napped this evening from a day of drinking with her aunt. i ran my errands and did my thang. but waiting to long for a stomach ache to pass, followed by cleaning the bathroom (like i had promised days ago)... took way longer than it should have to jog my memory that i was supposed to call her.
Now this Britney character is leaving to BC to live with her mom and the dogs that she trains, in the next week. I think its in the next week? Blah, i feel like a bad friend for being so shitty with hanging out with people.
I mean, its true.
Lately (umm... definitely no less than a year) I haven't been wanting to go out. Been to Gio's a few times here and there (once in the past month... and one other time a several months before that)... but I havent found the drive to go and get my ass out.
I guess I am down and out because of the events in the past five months.
I have been in a dead-lock battle with the landlord "Steve".
[apologize to anyone named Steve]... but now the name makes me incredibly pissed off when I hear it.
I am sick of re-telling the story and saying the same words again.
But the key words of the story are Human Rights Commission, Tenancy Board, and don't fuck with CJ.
Enough said.

who loves jungle??

mmmm sweet delicious old school jungle...

Uk Apachi and Shy Fx - Original Nuttah  by  Begi

Live sa bat' machines 7.10.09 by Sa Bat' Machines

Live sa bat' machines 7.10.09  by  Sa Bat' Machines

I highly recommend listening to this. I can't stop replaying it, personally. A wicked dubby worldly sounding mix by Sa Bat' Machines. ceej is absolutely addicted to it. Enjoy!

toast!

cue Rocky from Rocky and Bullwinkle: "and now here's something you'll REALLY enjoy!"
Here you are, some select pickins of recent(ish...?) stuff I've done.

pa pow

this past week hasbeen ripe full of juicy information.
one) i may more-than-likely be able to go to school for Production art (graphic design) with NO expense to me
two) time to apartment hunt. looks like reality of it is... this landlord sucks
three) preparing to file complaint against landlord. taking it to the Human Rights commission. (dont fuck with me... all this is ammo my mom filled me with)
four) lots of art-goodness filled news with possible studio space, free supplies, and a new project (its large!)

i demand drumrolls!

mmm delicious stupid cigarette... how fabulous and disgusting it is.
i answered the question today "what year did you graduate?"
2004.
Maybe its just me, but I just realized I have spent the past two years thinking that I only graduated four years ago..
umm... oops.
what year is it?
2010.
If my math serves me correct, that is a total of 6 years. Therefore the past two years I have been living in this crazy delusional world in my head.
Not like it makes any difference to me.
Except the little office in which I answered that question to was attached to a building that I walked out into afterwards. Where I ran into an old classmate from.. (drumroll pleeeease).... ahem, 2004. This old classmate had graduated four years of university and hence forth moved on with her life and got a job (with a SALARY!) in said building, weirdly enough, helping "people like me". ha.
sigh.
that was strange.

"Mom!! You got me a man??? You shouldnt have!" are the words that came from my sisters mouth when she started opening her gift.


















Nephew. Aka Muffin.

photos fr.xmas

**Notice the white knucles**
Driving out to Vassar was a bit tense. Snow and whatnot... as I seem to recall.











Sister looks scared. Or excited... or something?
Im not too sure. But here she is either way.













Mumsie


















I got hair products... sweet sweet hair products.












Nice face, brother.














**notice the very serious eyebrows**
I'm very serious about it being xmas day.








Mom got a new bluetooth headset. So she can call her lovely children and drive hands-free.. all at the same time!















My stomach-is-full Face, after the appetizing supper.



















Thats a better face for Brother.... who gets the strangest xmas gifts... this being Pickled Herring.
I am guilty of buying him 5 different varieties of mustard a few years ago.















Playing a board game... I dont know how far that got.
The questions were hard. The no one asked the easy ones because they didn't want the other team to get ahead.

ugh. woken up at what would be considered an hour that could be worse.. by one, my cat.
who, in lies the exact same traits as me - ask anybody. her bratty qualities will be the death of me, i feel when I wake up to her debauchery.
sigh, i love her regardless. and she has a great way if sucking-up when i have ill thoughts of her.
too smart, that cat. k maybe not all the same qualities.

today I am sick. hopefully tomorrow I will be feeling better.
because I have just been advised: it is monday.
Yippee!
Everybody else is grumbling about it, but I'm finding that I am little more excited than them.
All day long I had myself CONVINCED that tomorrow was Sunday, and that I had to wait one whole more day until the legendary (well, it is now..) Monday.

c'mon postal service, dont let me down now!

bent to feel

i won't disclose, but it was the most terrifying thing to be informed of.
the most terrifying thing to be involved in.
having to hear the news.
and the re-cap.
and distinguish the discontent.
and attempt to remember the impossible.
maybe even a few moments before that? improbable.
threatening the very existence of anything precious
in the form of my memories.
threatening so much more than that.
pure blackmail.
and i still won't articulate, but I explicitly won't forget..
not withstanding and regardless that I still don't remember...
those ten minutes to me passed in what felt like a fraction of a second.
a blink. the simple involuntary action of a blink.
wish I could say the same for my counter-part,
because that lifetime (formally known
as my ten minutes) was
proportionately
petrifying in a completely asymmetrical way.
watch for the chest to fall.