nice hill

we are snappy at each other. we're irritable.
something tells me that we need a bit more space than is conceivable.
i hate feeling this way, but as reality is happening around us, and in all reality, we need some room to breath.
my chest is heavy with invisible weight. and i dont want the force of it to get to me.
simple fix, before it turns into something much more complicated..

y'all get what im saying?

ps.good stirfry be filling me belly

$70.00 no show fee

it is fairly safe to saythat my once-kitten, cat, has gotten infected with the Preggo plague. The preggo plague has been striking females of every species for millions of years. This is madness!
Anywho, she's warm and home and safe and still raising hell.

My bones and limbs ache less today than yesterday. I have been moving boxes and shit around and trying to be a good guest in a house that is already too full. Its not that bad.
I am trying my damndest to give Lauren space from me, because i feel that I may cause some unnecessary bitterness or hate directed towards me, because she is living with someone who is crowding her personal space.

alas, i have lots to say but i should be getting my clothes on and whatnot o prepare for ze day.
cheers.

how is it possible that fake moustaches are trendy???????????

une chat

this week was the week from hell. Still is, I am going to go ahead an assume.

We were kinda forced out of my place. Had to be out BY yesterday. I have a lot of stuff, it seems, so packing was difficult and unorganized. I had a little help here and there. Any muscle-help that was planned and promised for tuesday, bailed. My friends are sweet though, and I had a lot of offers for help, and a lot of offers for places to stay at.

Tuesday was fueled by literally a half-hour of sleep from the night before. (i'd been stressin')

Tuesday night ended at 430/500am on actually wednesday morning.

I missed my alarm wednesday morning to wake up. I set it for 600am. I had to be out by 900am, i was informed. Slept in until 1000am (i direly needed these few hours). I had slept at Lauren's cuz my place was a mess of boxes and cigarette butts. Brought my cat and rat here. (Porshe is Brittany's cat, so she took her to her mom's)

The chaos was confusing the hell out of them. Bowsa had to stay in Lauren's bedroom with us, cuz she has 4 other cats. o lordy.

Well anyways, when I awoke at 10, i didnt see my cat. Not under bed. Not in closet... where else? I look out the window to find that the screen had been pushed out... my cat got out.

She still is out. And I miss her a lot.

Bowsa's in heat, too. So by this point, it is no doubt that she is already preggo.

If anyone sees her, please please please let me know asap. If you dont got my number, call Lauren..

She is black and white, with a pink dyed spot on her chest. Answers to her name.

Lost around Nassau and corydon. Please please please please keep an eye out for her. she's become kind-of a pansy since she started living with me. Thanxxxxx.

(le sigh)

cj for prez!

last night was a tad complicated.

lauren and i went to scott's birthday shindig at like 1am, for the tail end of it. we were updated on the vulgar details of Claire's recent sexual encounter with a lady, despite several attempts to change the conversation topic.

things with my apartment have taken a nosedive. no one is on the lease still. Ciara has to attend court on wnednesday because they want to kick us out. Lauren wants me to move in. I think that'd be swell, except personal space would be hard to come by. A month wouldnt be bad, because I would have time to save some money. And it might be fun. She's excited. I just don't want this to be too much for each of us. And something tells me it might.

Finally got ahold of the humane society to get my cat fixed. I need to find my way down there asap so that I can make sure that goes through. Especially since I may be moving into Lauren's and she already has four cats. Holy hell, this'll be hectic.

I'm a little overwhelmed lately, and could use moments of sanity.

Been riding my bike a LOT lately. That works as some sort of sanity restorer.

shoot itin the left eye. feel it onthe right side

ah, the confusing act of deciphering the human language.
namely: females.
the past few days has brought to light something for me. this something is what separates me from a vast majority of the female species, believe it or not.
typically, communication barriers is what draws one of the many lines, between guys and ladies. men tend to not communicate enough. while womyn, generally speaking, communicate very cryptically.
as much as I know that every wretched cosmo, and maxim, and whatever magazine out there that i find beside me in line as I bring my vodka mix to the safeway checkout, touches on this topic, I am going to venture there as well. I'd hate to feel left out, and all.
The "whats wrong" question.
And the "nothing" response.
me and lauren semi-discussed this the other day.
[directed at the ones with vaginas:] When there is clearly something wrong, why isn't it just brought to the table? especially when it is given the most opportune moment, when the question-asker is waiting eagerly for their answer. Why, o why, say "nothing" when it really truly IS something?
And it is my conclusion, that this is what is holding me back from being considered one of the girls.
If someone were to ask me, ceej, what was wrong? Well, let me tell you (excuse me, warn you, is what i really mean)... you are most definitely going to get my very full and detailed answer, complete with a reason, any background info you should know, and what I expect to come of it.
And I'm talking full detail.
you: "CJ, whats wrong?"
me: "well i'm sure it's just me being cranky and bitchy, but everybody and their mother has been picking on me today. It is probably just me, because I didn't get enough sleep last night, and I do need to shower... Maybe I should read my horoscope, cuz I bet you your firstborn, that it'll say that I am embracing my female qualities and traits, and being all emotional and shit or something. That would make sense."

that sort of thing.
(warning: if you ask ceej a question, most definitely be prepared for the full answer, whether you want to hear it or not.)

the end.
[cue APPLAUSE sign]
[turn off sign]

banana phone

happy friday.
today hasn't been terrible. the weather has been grey but enjoyable. the conversations have been light and not too demanding. the art has been handed in, although one seems to be lost. cigarettes are plentiful and minty for a change. and a joint has been half-smoked, with the other half waiting for my attention.
sounds like good gravy news to me.
yesterday i felt the world collapse a little around me. it was a little too heavy for my liking. i felt the pressure of [an extended] deadline approaching. every small thing that could have went wrong, did. thank the lordy that any large things that could have went wrong, didnt. i was incredibly sick last night, hopefully the finale to the sickness that has slowly been building up the past few days. and what finale! i havent been that sick in years. neither has lauren.
so today we are kicking back and taking it easy and letting our poor bodies recover a little, before hitting up the edge gallery tonight for the 12inch show.
i lost my record i had cut/melted into the shape of a gear.. and cant seem to find it. so i had no chance of submitting that one. altho i did happen to give in four that i am ultimately pleased with.

my family thinks (from what my sister tells me) that i dont go out to the cabin cuz I am afraid that I think they dont approve of me and lauren.
they couldnt be more off-target. i dont care what they think, and would bring her regardless if they approved or not. that has never crossed my thoughts. it seems to me, and always has, that they are fine with me and her together. when i dont go out to the cabin, its not because of that. it is because i am 23 and busy and have a lot of stuff to do.
to be honest, if they mentioned how much they'd like me there a certain weekend, then I WOULD go. i like it out there.its all quiet. and my phone doesnt ring. what a nice change.

i got ho's in diff area codes

so this past year hast been a really big one for me.
if you haven't noticed.
i, the apparently infamous cj hardcore, have calmed... the fuck... down. that statement is so true, it hurts. it doesnt hurt me, but im sure that Absolut is lacking in sales. Same with Molson. its not anybody's doing, but my own... although I am fairly certain that one individual named Lauren had some sort of influence.

This past year, I have been with Lauren and unofficially (who the fuck cares about "validating" it ) calling her my girlfriend.
I honestly can say that I have hardly glanced at other ladies.
Mine is prettier.
AND has a better sense of humour, anyways. We all know that nobody else will really ever compare to that.
I stopped regularly attending the bar, and stopped going to parties. They weren't the same. I went to a few, and ended up calling her to talk half the time, and leaving early anyways.
I haven't been wanting to, or feeling the need to, get wasted (now THAT'S worth celebrating!) Very rarely will you see me trashed, and I have come to find that hardly any of my stories start with, "So, when I was wasted on saturday/wednesday/yesterday morning.." anymore.
Hopefully all you silly kids out there in Blog-Creeper-Land realize how fucking happy that makes me.

This year, more than any other time in the past six years, I can actually feel HAPPY, as well as a butt load of other emotions. Maybe the difference is that I am not hiding behind a tallcan, or just maybe the difference is because i actually AM happy.

Miss Lauren makes me so goddamn giddy and excited and everything grand, it's ridiculous. She doesnt force her views on me (tho we much agree on many things), and lets me do my own thing. I care (i really really do!) about what she thinks and says and believes. Her opinion in bloody everything, really fucking matters to me.

She is really fucking amazing. Thats the point I am trying to make here, folks.
My absolutely breathtakingly dropdead gorgeous lady, Lauren, is the bomb-diggity. I won't let any trivial thing or person come between this killer unlabelled-uncomplicated something.
I am head-over-heels in love with her. Okay? Thought I'd point it out. Just in case it was not obvious enough.

achey panda

submissions for 12inch show:
-(3) series of mechanical scenes. included: gears, conveyor belts, gauges, wires, levers, buttons, pipes, etc.
- "Settle for a One Night Stand" in nice 50's-diner-style cursive writing,
- Trippy psychedelic mushroom scene,
- a gear (in the shape of).
- ??? [mystery record] ...not sure what I am doing on this one. perhaps something where i etch a picture into the paint on it. or something. maybe collage style?

++
new roomie is definitely a guy. not excessively messy (yet) but definitely used to living the bachelor lifestyle. i'm sure me and brittany won't have too much of an issue beating cleanliness into him. i kid, i kid.
no need to bring the authorities into this one.
speaking of authorities, the village has been popping up with camera's all over the place, in order to catch any sneaky drug dealers peddling drugs to minors, and any sneaky mofo's rolling dice in the alley.
good lucks, pigs. i hope your expensive equipment fails as soon as it snows out. i'd prefer sooner than later, but i'll take what i can get.
i'm being a retard (politically correct correction: mentally incapacitated individual) with my money and spending it on things like sandwiches, and stoner food, and my own weed to smoke. O lordy, i smoke a lot of it. In my defense, it acts as a gateway (not gateway drug) to another artistic, more awesome, side of me.
Three beers for stoner-art!
I mean cheers...
(im down to my last cold shot!)

"dude, where's my orange juice??!"

ATCHUNG! attention owners of unspayed male cats!!!

stay the fuck away from my home. you are sending Bowsa into annoying unstoppable fits of heat-induced screaming...! This is damaging to any sleep and/or sanity hoping to get accomplished in a five mile radius of my apartment!

...

Got a new roommate. Ciara moved out. CLAIRE was about to move in, but that wouldn't have worked so well, considering we had no one on the lease all of a sudden and the rental agency was like three seconds away from issuing a court order to have us booted (with class!) from our apartment. Lame!

I basically cut Claire off mid-moving-in (sorta), and instead fellow Richard took her spot, with damage deposit eagerly in his hands, ready to be elbow droppped on the next decent and available apartment opening.

coolness!

iv been spending a lot of time working on those 12inch records, and i have a few 45's finished last night i used a combination of eXtreme cutting (via cutting utensil) and a flame to melt it down (burning vinyl is not my cup of tea. i swear!) ... and not it is starting to look like a gear.

it looks dope.

anywho, P.Dot just got ahold of me, and he seems to be awake on today, Labour day (its labour day, right???) and we're going to hang out. Maybe make some art. Maybe make fun of things.

I couldnt tell you. Not yet.