saskatoon

i want to go back.
but its hard to make myself while there is this obvious air of unwanted that arises when I enter a room.
so... now what? do i just kick it here then?
everything of importance is now not in my possession. wow, do i ever feel vulnerable.
why am i so concerned these days with how I feel about everything?
probably because it is so damn confusing. one moment i am happy as i all hell, and the next, I am stuck debating the impact of my presence at the time (in the case of Stay vs. Go).

this was all promised to be as realistic as possible, in the beginning. now I feel its losing those qualities.
Its not meant to be an insult.
I havent been perfect. Hell, i never am and am more than well aware of my flaws and lapses in character. Where can I take this deep breath that I need so bad?