I am super exhausted again the past few days. And yet I find that I still cannot sleep. When I am awake, I decide that I am not coherent enough to function in the real world. Or I avoid stepping outside because I am slowly reverting back to my ways of Hermitism. It's a rare condition in which I completely avoid interacting with the real world. The world can come interact with me, if they want to make small talk. Until then, it just ain't happening.
I am sure there are healthier ways to go about doing things.
Cigarettes feel way too good in my lungs this week. My cough is an excellent display of the quality of said smoked cigarettes.
Lauren has gotten a job at Ipsos. I used to work there. I remember not liking it, and trying to get out of it. I believe it lasted about three weeks or so. Alas, guess where I found myself 5 or so days ago? ....In the office of Ipsos, checking [ ] YES to Have you ever worked at Ipsos before? on their application form.
I am not going to lie. I am fucking terrified of getting an actual job. Sure, I may seem like a fully functional individual, but don't let it fool you... I have a hard time being consistent. My mood swings determine how I believe I really truly feel about the job, and that determines the rest of the story.
ugh. social anxieties and pressure and whatnot.
see? shit like this makes me wonder if perhaps I would be better off on my prescribed meds [ahh, the eternal question...]...
I still haven't gotten my check for social assistance, like I was supposed to get at the beginning of November. Sigh. They want to make sure me and Lauren's dad are not "common-law"....
....
woah. no thanks. [thats awkward] So I have to wait and wait and wait and then do it all over again. Funds are getting low, and it's making it hard to do anything.
My mom is taking me out for lunch today. I better call her back. I can't wait. Ever since I moved out of my mom's, we get along so so so much better. You know how all that nonsense goes.
1 comomo's...:
Oh ipsos, i can top that, i worked a total of 3 shifts (including training) when i got onto acutal calls i realized i fucking hate speaking to americans. I remember going out for a bathroom break, calling Rem and leaving, in that order.
I hope your cold gets better, there's alotta nasty going around the city and i'm not sure how with the bagillion sanitzer things everywhere... u get that one 1st cousin spawn that coughs on everyone on the bus and voila = sick.
i had a guy sneeze mouth uncovered in succession a good 5 min straight (from the Louise Bridge all the way to Higgins and Main).
I digress...
I found the volatility of my mom and mine's relationship was at a minimum with space and time apart from one another too. I think it honestly saves an adult relationship if you move out ASAP.
I dont know some sort of sanity thing...
Brain pills, i took a new kind last Jan to help with a coworker i was contemplating murdering and poor remi suffered the wrath of the rage attacks it gave me (supposed to calm me down my side effect was RAGE go figure) been clean from those for a while and suddenly brain chemicals are in order. oh and said ass from work was canned :)
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