pre_pos_ter_ous - adj.

The other other OTHER white meat

2011-12-29T18:31:00.000-06:00

Y'know, I found myself having way more to write into this little white box earlier on, when I first pulled out the wireless keyboard.

Now here I am, after messing around with too many of my bookmarks (o lordy... nothing short of 3000). At least half of them were duplicates. Which gives me hope. (i am not sure what for, however...)

The lovely Lauren is at her new job as we speak. I do believe she should be ending her first shift aaaanytime now. I hope it went well. I havent heard from her since it first began, and I know she was stressing about it then. It was one of those sorts of mornings. YOU know what I mean.

Finally hung out with P.Dot last night. He's been so occupied with working again, after a long stint off because of work-related issues he was having with his back, and (but of course) a new girlfriend. I understand that. In fact, I can easily say that we all do.

Lauren, P.Dot, and myself went to McNally's last night and checked out a lovely selection of books. I always find that by the time I leave a book store my eyes just hurt so much. Y'know... that feeling that you get when you are in a place with wayyyy too much visual stimulation, where you feel the need to look over every last bit of whatever is in front of you and read every single word... as to not overlook any gems. (This is essential)
I get the same eye-numbing feeling when me and Lauren have those days where we go hunting through countless antiques, vintage, and thrift stores. By the end of the day, my sense of sight is friggin' exhausted. Weird how that happens.

I would like to find a way to avoid this happening in the future. Because I can assure you that I will not be avoiding bookstores, or anywhere that sells an array of used goods, or lovely antique-ee goodness.

Heck no.

That would be asking far much too much of me.

Anywho,
I picked up a couple new books for myself. Well, actually it was just one book and one magazine. Those two were expensive enough as is. Lauren grabbed like four or five for less than $35.00 total. Most of them were in the bargain section. PLUS an additional 50% off.

(do I sound like some sort of retail-store

spokesperson in some sort of retail-store

commercial right now? It is okay if you

say yes.)

Lauren's new author of interest; William S. Burroughs. And if my shiny new memory serves me right, I believe that a majority of her new books are written by him. If I ever run out of words to read from my bookshelves, I know that she has MORE than enough to keep me out of trouble. For a very..long..time. lol

SO! The book I picked up is called "Eating the Dinosaur" by Chuck Kloster. I've only checked out maybe like the first 5 pages (I am almost done the other two books that I am reading right now; The Grand Design and Get Up!. So it would be unfair of me to drop those when I am soooooooo close to being done!)...but those first 5 pages seemed super decent!
Not to mention, the content seems to be something I might like. (a very good trait to have in something that you've just spent money on - dont you think?)

Its a witty collection of about a dozen or so essays covering whole clusterfuck of random subjects.

[time travel... germans in grocery stores... ABBA vs. AC/DC... Garth Brooks...]

Sounds good to me.

Oh ya and another issue of GUP, this photography-design magazine that I really enjoy.
Huzzah...!! for interesting literature!
And I also (since I happen to be handing these out...) another "huzzah...!!!" for the wickedness that is: as me actually being able to concentrate for long enough to read a book!
O my.. I'd make my high school english teachers so proud.

My life is now complete.

2011-12-20T04:06:00.000-06:00

perhaps this is a more up-do-date somethin'-somethin' in which to hear from me.
http://twitter.com/#!/jerktank
Except... well, these are more tiny, itty-bitty thoughts.
.......as opposed to the way-to-long endless rambling that you are treated to on this here blog.
(starting to remember i have this thing. considering maybe updating it more?)

coo-coo-cachoo

2011-07-04T21:38:00.000-05:00

I'm the bigger person
Admit defeat.
Admit defeat.
Admit defeat.
Only then, or only now, can I move forward. WE can move forward.

It makes me picture a train. An older train (caboose included).
For a long time, its been stopped here. And just now, finally now, it begins to show signs of life.
And the wheels, achingly slow, begin to move it forward. A painfully loud process, as the once-still train forgets its rust that was planned out for it, and leaves those dreams behind. It might take a long time to get up to its quicker more ideal speed, but we all know that once it gets going - reaching it full potential... this will be one difficult train to stop.
And this is a good thing.

fall into place, my precious little pieces, bwahahaha

2011-06-27T19:50:00.001-05:00

Well it just so happens to look as though I will be starting to pick up two shifts a week, volunteering down in the exchange at a li'l something called ArtsJunktion!
I am pretty stoked.
Mostly working with crafts and re-distributing materials to artists and art projects at no cost. I like what this place is all about. Seems to me like they have the right idea- yessiree.

This weekend was fun. It was the Manitoba Electronic Music Exhibition (or "MEME") down at Old Market square... or "The Cube" as it is called now. They built this trippy giant metallic cube with the bottom corner pushed-in-sorta, and thats where the dj's set up. We went Saturday and Sunday. I ran into tons of people that I know, as per usual. And its nice to finally go out and not have people say, "CJ! Where have you been?? I havent seen you in like 6 years!" Its good to get back out again.

Also!! In the next few days, I'll be buying myself a new phone. To replace my junky Samsung Flight that (o, the luck) stopped charging - due to being directly in the path of a glass of water I spilled. Yayyy..!
Soooo what, its going to be lavender. Thats okay... it shall be a blackberry. Yippee! So finally I'll have a working phone again. Same bat phone number, same bat channel.

Huzzzzah for things finally falling into place. Go me.
(Haha, if I keep talking like that, my head is going to be huge by the end of the week)

2011-06-26T07:22:00.000-05:00

My oh myyyy, does it ever feel wonderful to re-introduce myself to society!
Aaaand to think!...
That I thought maybe I'd miss something? Was that what it was..?
Or... or maybe I thought that I'd get forgotten about...
No, that couldn't have been it.

Either way, whatever reason that had made me believe that it'd be so difficult to tear myself away from that pre-pre-lifestyle, and then become part of it again... well it is long forgotten.
Same with that pre-lifestyle that was actually not that long ago.
Who woulda thought?

Bowsa, the Dangercat of Tomorrow whole-heartedly agrees.

"muffle muffle*

2011-04-28T06:05:00.000-05:00

awake at a silly little hour.
thought i would take this opportunity to spew (you read that correctly - "spew") some sort of wisdom on the unsuspecting world of the internet.
or not.
its far too much five-nineteen-a.m. to draw up any wisdom to share.
bowsa is visiting here at Laurens. i missed her way too much, so I thought I'd be greedy and bring her all the way out here for a while. she isn't meshing well with the cats, though they have been previously introduced. actually, more than just introduced - they lived amongst each other for quite the period of time.
but I do not know how long I will keep her out here for.
she has more than doubled in weight, my cat.
i know I have mentioned it before. but its more than just "a little bit of weight"... its actually starting to really bother me that she is so much more over-weight than the average cat is supposed to be. not to mention, she has smaller structure than most feline mofos.
this makes me unhappy for several reasons..
- bowsa's less active. i know argument will be defended with a, "well she's getting older and she's fixed now... they generally start settling down." Not to this much of a difference.
- finances. this means that she eats more cat food. which means I dish out more money for a "free-range fed" cat. not to mention extra cat litter for those little kitty poops caused from that little kitty food she stuffs in her face.
- future health concerns. i love my cat and would actually like for her to live as long as possible. so on top of shortening her years, the amount of weight she has put on also severely ups her chances of getting all those lovely cat illness that seem way too easy for them to acquire.
....did i mention finances? oh, i mean how much money it is potentially going to cost me to bring her to a vet, or pay for cat meds, etc.etc. The canadian health care system applies only to those who have had the option during our lives, of attending school (grades K through 12)....ie.human.

i know I am rambling on and on. But I feel that my being Bowsa's owner, is not respected one fucking bit. I have heard, as counter-arguments to my own, that my cat is "a lot happier now", and to which I agree. But that is not because of the food.

On the other hand, I am not quite at liberty to have much say in the matter right now. For she has been taken good care of by my sister, to which I am incredibly grateful and appreciative of. But it is bothersome. And it is costly. And I know I sound like a fucking broken goddamn record, but I can't quite handle it anymore.
Alas, I will have to have a discussion with my sister, sometime soon. This will be one of the conversations which I would like to have take place. Also, I'd love to chat with her about other matters.
Those other matters?
Well, honestly, they aren't as serious as this blog post would have one believe. Mostly, I just really miss her and would love to catch up, and find out how her life has been this past month. I have lots to tell her, and really owe her a world of thanks.
I really do. As pissed off (and was I ever) and furious as I was, and all that shit.... I couldnt be happier to have an in-your-face, confrontational, loving and involved sister.
I'm lucky, you know.
No, I'm serious. Because I know that she'll be the person with the most genuine and sincere comment, when I need it. And I know that she'll have my back when I really need it the most. Like, REALLY need it.
I know, though, that I am only just now, recovering the pieces of a (once-again) broken me.
[you'd think that I'd be damn good at that by now. Well, for your information, these cracks don't occur along the same mended ridges from the previous times. It's always, in a way, different...]
Only now, am I remembering me and who I am....
and only now, finally opening myself up to the world, as sick and twisted as it can be.
And now beginning to open up about myself. And its taking some time. And ya it hurts a little, here and there, sometimes.
And sometimes a lot.
But fuck, goddamnit, it's about time. {insert profanity again}
My sister is one of those people that I know I will have a very intense conversation with, when I see her. It's taken a stupid amount of time to actually go right ahead and just realize these things about myself. In theory, it all seems so easy, and the complications of human emotion seem so silly and trivial. But self-discovery and all that jazz is a little more complicated than being mad or sad or glad (dr.suess-style).
I guess the point I am trying to make.... is that some people I am just not ready to stand before certain people. I don't fear being judged for my choices, or for being criticized.
....well, not anymore.
I am just not ready to face the many questions that I know Tania will have for me. I am just not quite ready. At least I friggin' know this. I feel less like a sissy-face (thats the latin name for it) this way.

Wow that is a lot of words for this time of day.
Whew, glad to get that off my chest. Jumping back into the bed now.
Gosh, that was long. Shucks gee-whiz golly geeeeeeeeeee

2011-03-29T22:05:00.001-05:00

what i say on my blog is what i say on my blog.
if you dont like it, dont read it.

thats what it should say at the top.
you'll figure it out.

2011-03-28T16:08:00.000-05:00

got myself an interview...!! I am pretty fucking excited.
My sister however, whose attitude towards me has been significantly less than impressive, could care less. She has been hating on me for no reason whatsoever. Maybe in her mind.
But it never seems to occur to her, that her reasoning is completely invalid. I havent touched her stuff once. I brought a bunch of shit over to our place, and they helped themselves since the beginning. This is fucking dumb.
Alas, it appears that I have been dubbed the household "liar", for no reason at all. If you stood back and looked at the facts, you'd see that there is at least one person living here who both lies constantly, AND uses things that aren't his. Not pointing fingers, even though everyone else has been.
At least I am the only person acting my age in all of this, and not going running and crying to Mom.

Angus & Julia Stone "Big Jet Plane" Live Virgin Radio / Main Square Fest...

2011-03-20T04:40:00.000-05:00

2011-02-21T19:47:00.000-06:00

egads!
now i must stop this.. this... constant missing of the busses.
off i go.

2011-01-25T18:31:00.000-06:00

So, I know it has been awhile. Thought I would poke my business back into the very spicy world of my blog. Reassure the general public that no,. I haven't disappeared. Nor have I let my silly addictions, such as my obsessive love for bull fighting., take over my life. I know in the past, this crazyness I feel about bull fighting has ruled my life - I'd spend all my time and money on it. I'd spend three or four days straight, training to be a bullfighter. And it was lame and not cool of me, and I totally understand your uneasyness regarding the topic at hand.

I've been spending more and more time at the homeland... the actual one that I am paying the rent towards...
Anyways, I actually really like it there. I've lived with my sister before and I remember very clearly that I enjoyed living with her. I can't remember any of the bad aspects of that living situation, so thats wicked and means a clean slate to start this roommate thing with.
My cat really enjpoy that place too. Which is just awesome. Altho, once again, she is the new kitty - soon becoming the fat kitty, with the speed in which is comparible to well.. something embaressingly speedy. silly chubby furball of hair.

scrub a lubbbbb.....rication

2011-01-04T01:28:00.001-06:00

its funny how a frozen can of orange punch can really get the ball of rage (the built-up variety. has muuuch more oomph than that regular rage shit) rolling. it helps, of course, if its in the rage's natural instincts to be attracted towards the scent of your blood. that plus YOU standing downhill from it... in multiple positions at once, lined up like the markers on some sorta downhill skiing slalom, helps.
and we all know those markers are only put up there for a reason. not accidentally. never accidentally. There is a good chance that this reason has quite a following on facebook (i mean, dont we all?) and probably has hats and tshirts, at the very LEAST. I don't know about you, but I'd be mighty tempted by merch more uncommonly found at these sort of things. Like Hawaiian skorts. And Very Serious World-Man "action figures" (coff... figurines..) complete with their own distinct "Very Serious" (about gaming) pose and stare.
"Holy eff bomb, World-Man! You just timed out on WOW.. Now what are we going to do???"
Now to get back to the item at hand here.
Don't fuck with my orange punch, mutha fuckah.

I am very serious about that shit. Not as serious as that guy, tho.
Now Joanne will read out the minutes from today's meeting, and we'll see you all next week.

Peace out. Dont forget to scrub.

2010-12-31T18:44:00.000-06:00

the evolution of the hipster:

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/comment/4/2010/10/1c953a1c422b9e6eb4d05117716b0ea2/original.jpg

Its funny because I know a trillion people that can relate. But its way too easy to catergorize people, no?

2010-12-31T17:45:00.000-06:00

This is some random thing I passed on good ol' reliable Google, searching for something completely unrelated this. Because apparently, (and unknowingly to me): pain olympics hatchet vs. genitals online.
Who will come out on top, in this years.... uhh... Thermal Sleeping Competition?

Dont question the google-ness. Just accept it.
Trust me; it gets easier.

2010-12-19T01:45:00.000-06:00

the countdown. and thats all there seems to be lingering in the air. that, and the impending doom of that unforgiving sickness that's piggy-backing on any suitor in sight. fingers crossed, knock on wood, et cetera.

the keyboard on this laptop is acting unruly and making it so I don't feel like actually explaining things, especially in full detail.

in other news: my mom is engaged, as of her birthday on friday. to her boyfriend. i kinda like the guy. he's alright in my books. more than just alright, actually. he's good to her and he fits right in with the ol fam'. Jayse comes back into Winnipeg on wednesday. I am super excited.

i suppose thats all i will type for now. i'm already sick of it. haha i think

winners FTW!

2010-11-30T06:50:00.001-06:00

dearest internet,
i have so much to tell you. Plus I learnt a few really neat facts this week, about how the river in Wisconsin, Ohio, caught on fire oneday. That is a true fact.
These facts: - They totally knew that this fire was about to happen
- Officials had is the river so precisely timed, that when the clocks struck 0 minus 10 seconds, the mayor, and all of his political pals (included was anyone he could think of that smoked a cigar), as well as the local sheriff and a select few men from his precinct... they all opened their lawn chairs and outdoor loungers and pulled their cigars and cigarettes out from their inner breast pockets of their absurdly overpriced jacket. And as they all chuckled amongst themselves while every odd elbow jabbed into every odd ribcage, followed by every odd shifty-eyed, tooth-filled smile. "Last call;" the only two recognizable words above crowd's ale_distorted speech bubble, and mostly-so because of undeniable coherence. The word last referred to the very few minutes that the gentlemen/contenders had left to place their bets on the act they had come to witness. The inside joke amongst them had now been over-done, and their extremely short tempers were beginning to wonder if they had to make an appearance to get this so-called show on the road.

The first official took a glance to see if spectators and money-investors had stepped back enough paces, and then continued on to tear a match out of his matchbook. Thumb down and swiftly pulling the match away from him, it struck against the sandpaper on the back of the book. Turning the fire in on its own kind, they watched ever-so-silently, as the matchbook in his hand cracked in twenty two different ways and blazed on fire, held high above them all. But not too long, before he let the wind just slightly grab it from him and swoop it onto the river water.

There was three seconds, two awkward coughts and throat-clearings from a few in the crowd, and a moment in which it looked like everybody had lost on their money on this silly gamble. For the matchbook appeared to extinguish its flames.
But that thought had not enough time to even be thunk in one's brain, for the next blink of an eye revealed not just a few inches, or a few feet. ...but the entire fucking river had caught fire. It looks like there would be lots of winners tonight, and the boy with the coherant voice tried to sort through the crowd of waving arms, desperately clutching their winning ticket. Boy, did they ever win alright....'

ahem... anyways.... THOSE facts? May not be true. But who am I to say?

2010-11-26T04:12:00.000-06:00

so yet another infamous "Stuff My Face!" week is in full swing. And I have to say, i am quite stuffed full at this current moment in time. Chalk that as another triumphant win for me and endless spaghetti suppers.

rainbow suspendorisis

2010-11-23T05:31:00.000-06:00

as per always, I decide the best time to rant to an internet-united peoples, is when they are fast asleep. Or pretending to be fast asleep, and rolling by a different name altogether, just to stay up until the wee hours playing Bejeweled. While all your snoozers, and boozers, and bejewelerz... are pre-occupied in yourselves, I -wont break the trend- am also consumed by my own activities. And it isn't boredom that causes me to rip out the skin on the inside of my ears (I'll admit; I did wince. Twice. And swore four times).
The headphones are on. The volume has been on mute the moment I plugged these puppies in. I dont even have a song playing, not even Cher. Especially not Cher.
I'd like to take this moment to apologize immensely to the larger percentage of the gay boy population that I know.. for taking what would surely seem like a swing (and a miss..) at their self-proposed birth mother. No offense boys, cuz I know you definitely wouldnt be reading this anyways.
Tomorrow I am going to work up the courage to go and wait beside that guy who is wondering what I have, or what I'd do to get ahead of him in line to see the doctor.. and get first dibs on sanitary pads, saline solution, tongue depressors, and latex-free rubber gloves.
Finders keepers, motherfucker.
Back off - get your own sandwich.

My kitten and furriest love of my life has been slowly coping with the fact that now included in her kitten-tree meals, is the smelly devil known as Apple Cider Vinegar. A few drops every meal to every second meal, pissed her off/ depressed her for a few days... but now her taste has become acquired and she hardly notices. I am doing her a favour. Instead of spraying her with toxins for her fur, or giving her store-grade poisons to keep away any parasites, good ol ACV does it all, and its natural, and it detoxes her system of any bullshit. After doing decades of research, its by-far the best option for her, and cheapest. I'd recommend it to any cat-owner that'd listen.... but I have minimal faith in mankind this week (reason: unknown ), therefore feel as tho you, out there in blog-land, already know my concerns. And as no surprise, yet again, I play the "nobody-actually-cares-to-listen-and-give-two-big-fat-flying-fucks CARD". Full house. I win.
And I walk away from the table, two dollars and fifty cents richer.
HEY, biiiiiig spender. Dig my blender.

2010-11-17T00:58:00.000-06:00

sssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....sssssssss. ssss.ssssssssssssssssssssssss.......

2010-11-17T00:56:00.000-06:00

nice! after much thought and very envious imaginary beard stroking, I figured out how to equip Lauren's macbook with photoshop. it wasnt hard.
I'm just daft sometimes.
Well, apparently LIFE, you can take all your daft and stick it in your imaginary pipe and smoke it.
...as if that was an insult, once upon a time not that long ago.

Anyways, despite having a fairly new phone I am going to reclaim that I need a new phone.
I own the Samsing.. "flight".... ugh. about as intimidating as it sounds. Not like I am expecting it to pull out a chainsaw and go ape shit on the neighbours, while recording the whole ordeal in secret hopes of becoming a youtube "star"... but since we're on the topic of the name; it is also deceiving. It does not fly. Nor will it ever. Plus I seriously doubt its ability to handle any type of flight, be in minor or not.

Listening to some extremely edible dubstep. Hot water tank at Lauren's is all busted up, but her dad is kind enough to turn it on, despite its more leaky qualities, allowing us to clean our smelly areas and turn them into freshhhhh smelling areas, for all to enjoy from a safe and pg-rated distance.

Time to make the pg-rated transition into freshness.

annoyances bite

2010-11-13T07:18:00.001-06:00

current frustrations are at an all time high.
my lack of mentioning it is entirely due to the embarrassing nature of the situation. however, i am almost at some sort of breaking point with it all. And am sure that it will be made public, when the day comes that I finally snap and fall off the side of the earth. Laughing hysterically, of course. I couldnt do it any other way.
Nights I have actually slept at my sisters (coff.. my new place..coff): <3.
Day of the month: 13th
Amount of times a day that I curse the existence of fleas: >30,485
(there - i said it)

This annoyance bites significantly hard into my sleep time, making me the grumpiest panda that you'd ever pay to see on display. And the responsibility of making them disappear when no body in the neighborhood (or house) lends a helping hand with their removal? I cant handle it. I literally feel as though I have lost anything that I find enjoyable and have replaced it with... vacuuming, buying vinegar, combing/brushing my poor kitty...to name a few.

At my new place (where? st.anne's rd.) I lack pillows and a comforter. Also lost my mattress and bed frame, but thank the lordy, at least I have a box spring.

And for it only being the thirteenth, I find myself slightly bitter (as well, lol... they just all add up) at the presence of a thief in my midst. Now only to use my ultimate sleuthing skills and find him, and then proceed to unmask, the bee-otch.

Words of advice are very welcome. De-lousing powder, not preferred, but still considered. And spaghetti and slurpees should never be ruled out. Doors are open.

2010-10-25T16:04:00.000-05:00

This weekend was one of different variety. I use that word in particular, because it was indeed, in fact, different. Well I suppose that I didn't do so much on thursday or friday, being as thursday night and friday morning, i was a tad under the weather. Saturday morning started with a fucking explosion.
I woke up to Larry yelling "CJ, get up! Steve [douchebag landlord] is here and he found your stuff!" I hadnt been sleeping for enough hours, in my opinion so i yelled back, "Serious??? But I am moving out in like a few days..." But apparently Steve had opened my drawers and went through a bunch of my stuff and claimed my guitar to be his now, and that everything else could go to the fucking dump.
I got out of bed so fast.
Once again, very sudden moving. I hate when that happens. My mom and Robert were able to come lend their truck. And Phil came down and aided in any lifting; heavy or small. It was hectic for a few hours, and I was very very tired by the end of it. My mom brought me and Phil out for like fries and burgers/chicken thangs. That was appreciated.
I went home and was so raring to go, from the adreneline from the move (atop one energy drink and one beer. two things I never drink anymore), that I couldnt sleep. My body was drained, but my mind wasn't going to let itself go to waste.
The evening came around. Lauren wanted to do something, because she started work Monday (being today), and she didn't know her schedule at all or when her days off would be. I got my heart set on going to this party at the Rocker.
I attempted to bleach my hair. Alas, two bleachings only resulted in orange hair. SO its now pink. :)
Yeehaw.
We only got to the Rocker at like one am. I wanted to be there around 11:30, but got held up in discussion with Lauren. While at the Rocker, right away I hear fantastic dubstep and I wanna dance. But shit hit the fan after maybe two tracks. I got injured in the ruckus... a few times. And I still managed to hold myself back from being the injurer.
Sigh. The night went sour, and I made a big scene in front of all my friends, which I am a tad embarrassed about. I managed to flag down a cab and go and spend the night somewhere, gathering my thoughts and being comfy.
I didnt sleep as much as I would have liked, but I appreciated having somewhere to go and cool down and whatnot. I cabbed home at 8 in the morning.

Today I will be packing more of my things. The entirety of the boiler room with all my stuff is at Tania's. When we were moving it on saturday we couldnt find 50% of the bed frame so we said fuck it and tossed what we had, out. Upon further inspection, the rest of the frame has magically re-appeared.... somehow. So I'll go climb in the dumpster and see if I can find those pieces. Pretty sure they trucks havent come by yet (o how the sound of them makes me sad), so hopefully I can fish it out.

Been eating super well tho, lately. And also exercising/working out like a mo-fo. (aka motherfucker)
Got some stamina building up so I can do way more, so much longer. And like a hundred pushups, in a row, is now do-able! yippee! Thats a big thing, by the way, if anyone wants to try and find our for themselves, having not done pushups in years.
P.Dot was in a triathlon a month or two ago. That sounds neat. I looked at a magazine to do with that, the other day. I think that is my next big goal - enter in a triathlon.
Sounds crazy but that'd be so fun.

2010-10-20T05:36:00.000-05:00

okay.
so.
i am moving. into my sisters. its final-ish?
phil took my out to feed me tonight (honestly, that guy is SUCH a good friend). we talked over some non-stop stirfry. he helped me come up with a very realistic plan. its has its ups and downs.
i suppose i shall grace this blog with the story tomorrow or some other time that isnt this ridiculous hour. beddie time. still not tired. somebody throw sleeping pills at me. i mean my mouth. throw them there. please and thanks.
sincerly, this jerk.

Dearest Bullwinkle, please. no.

2010-10-16T17:16:00.001-05:00

I went to my nephew's football game yesterday. #33 Tyree Cayer of the Elmwood Giants.

(Thats him.)

I could only stay for 99% of the first half of the game. Happy I went and spent the time and money to go and see him play. Fuck is he good. He plays better than all those high school kids out there, and he's only a 16 year old muffin. Now, that is fucking impressive.

*cue round of applause*

I would have to say the play of the game (in my very personal opinion) went to Beatrice Cayer. For she made the impressive call to [her daughter's cellular device] Vanessa who was nearly one row ahead, and five seats to the right, to tell her to put her hood up - it was cold out.

Haa. Beautiful.

I liked this. So must you. It's not mine, but you have my permission to adore it anyways.

In newest news, my hair is the single closest shade it has been to its natural color since I was...... fifteen? Is that right??? *ahem* Apparently, according to my producers, that IS, in fact, right. On behalf of all this channel's staff and very opinionated opinions, you have my most sincere apology.

But only about this issue. Nothing else, suckers.

[rocky: "and here's something you'll really enjoy!]

http://www.squidoo.com/BestMother-SonDanceSongs

like the link says, it is a LIST of the all-time BEST mother-son dance songs.

boyz-2-men included, for any of my colored friends.

play them if you like, to take you back to that "special" time in your life, when moms and their male offspring still participated in this and one party actually wannted to partake in this life-changing event.

okay children, i have given you lots of gifts. now go. you're free to not have to stand my bullshit for another few days. (if you're lucky - WEEKS!)

Print Shop - eye chart I / Art Print

2010-10-13T03:43:00.001-05:00

Print Shop - eye chart I / Art Print

Print Shop - Meow and Meow... / Art Print

2010-10-13T03:43:00.000-05:00

Print Shop - Meow and Meow... / Art Print

2010-10-10T23:02:00.000-05:00

this is a lil somethin-somethin i conjured up via photoshop.
a lttle snack for your eyes.

2010-10-10T04:09:00.000-05:00

2010-10-10T04:02:00.000-05:00

peels on wheels

2010-10-06T22:13:00.001-05:00

I suppose it has been forever since I've posted in here. I have been on an endless hunt for apartments. And I am damn sick of it!
There are future prospects - one namely. Its on Mcmillan, between Arbuthnot and Cockburn..... i think. If I am wrong, then at least I am close. Its a purdy l'il place, a bedroom on the third floor. $350 a month. In a nice house, and the guy seems pretty fucking rad too (house owner).
I had my little heart set on this other apartment, that is about 5 steps away from here. But as fate would have it, my speediness is not speedy enough, and I missed out.
Ce la vie.
Gaining some artistic drive, somewhat. Finally. Was at a loss, this past month.
And been out on my bike lots, enjoying autumn nights, cruising around when there is little to no traffic. It feels good. Y'kno, just that feeling.

2010-09-15T17:19:00.000-05:00

my wallet hast been saveth by thine find so recent.
ahem!
wandering back home, saturday (about two weeks ago), we pass the laundromat on osborne. And lying beside the building, against the wall, was a backpack. and it was propped up, but at the same time still kinda "hidden". But it wasnt hidden. Because we were walking on the sidewalk and it caught both of our eyes. perhaps the individual that hid this bag was drunk..? Or near-sighted...
it feels full of stuff...! I am giggling (not maniacally - don't worry) at the thought of opening it to find random goodies. Life is good. Especially that Saturday night.
At home, opened, we discover the beautiful and extremely valuable treasures.
A half of a 26 of Vodka (some alberta-hairspray-flavoured one).
A full box of empty cigarette tubes.
And one very full, very unopened tin of tobacco.
Well! If thats not worth a riverdance, then I dont know what is.! (you guys are so damn hard to please)

My computer? Well my computer sucks monkey b.... - - .......errr.. well YOU know.

mastering the waiting game

2010-09-13T09:04:00.000-05:00

*frustrated noise*
And follow that by an extreme sigh.
That is the sound of CJ at this hour on this date.
The equivalent to a jolly "Bah Humbug.."

Okay, so this has been bugging me lately. So I feel as though (looking back), like I have been a gernally happy person. Essentially, I was easy-going and too optimistic to be considered healthy... Y'know, grand ol' stuff like that. But lately?? Lately I feel like I am just so pissed off. I am sicccck of my life and all the complications right now. I have been intensely apartment hunting for what feels like way too long. I hate the amount of money I have to live off of - which could easily be changed. (Job hunting, I'd like to introduce myself...) I just do not feel content enough. The other day I was in this fantastic mood. It was, well.. fantastic. And I really fucking miss the days when that was all I would feel. And it was damn contagious. And everything worked itself out. I want to go to school. I want to be able to say where I see myself in five years... ten years... or at least give a rough estimate. I feel like I am clouded by uncertainty. Even though I know its foolish, I would much rather be able to flip that damn switch and takes me up on the opportunity to wind up and slap me across the face (figuratively or metaphorically - no difference)... so I can open my fucking eyes and actually see the solution to the maze, like how I used to, or how everybody else can.
I just needed to rant a bit. Don't want to burden anyone with this crap. Its all just nonsense, anyways..right? It is all just in my head, and really... well.. shouldnt a few well chosen words and relevant cliches be able to fix this little issue anyways? I need some inspiration. My art is also suffering, and I wish this wasn't the case.

Anywho, that felt a bit better. to exhale all this onto here. Don't worry, I'll be much more fun to read about soon enough. Justwaiting for said well chosen words and relevant cliches. Anytime now.....

b to thee itches

2010-09-10T11:35:00.000-05:00

eleven alarms.
i just counted.
thats the amount it took us to finally roll our butts out of bed this morning. it is not like this day was incredibly important in comparison to any other weekday. its just an attempt to start doing a backflip in terms of changing the way things are running in my life.
*note to self: find sketchbook, which has prescription in it, which needs to be filled*

this girl needs a haircut - really bad.
although hast recently been saveth'd by a really sweet dumpstered hat that I've always wanted. hurraaah!

wish I had more to ramble about. altho that will come soon enough.
until then, happy thursday, bitches.

sincerly, that guy

2010-09-07T20:52:00.002-05:00

"Dearest Cjay,

it has been another period of time passed, and still you let the same issues with the same name and the same face keep poking itself in your business. Not to mention, you let it get to your head. And not in the "Full House"-sorta-way where you learn that very important lesson and then everything gets worked out to your advantage and nothing is left in dis-array by the end of the half hour time slot.

maybe this is me writing you a letter of self-awakening via me, and consider this your realization that you should let it get that way...?

//next_point:: also, can you stop so obviously censoring your blog? it is of great annoyance, plus it's really obvious. did I mention how annoyingly obvious you are? I liked when your words and other words were not, in fact, so cryptic to the point of exhaustion. laaaaaaame.

ever since you started dating Lauren, it has been a slow downhill glide away from the blatantly honest and free-speaking ceej we all once read the words of wisdom from. she's great, but just because you think that she might read your blog sometimes, does not mean that us, your great and mighty blog readers (that can make, as well as break.. aka shatter.. you), should suffer! I demand a refund. Or a re-un-censorship. Stop giving a fuck, once again.

Also. More kitty pictures.
Sincerly, that guy"

the masses have spoken. and in great depth. and by masses i mean, that guy there.

2010-09-07T19:44:00.000-05:00

Yes, so maybe this is what we do when given a Wednesday night and Youtube.

2010-09-07T19:42:00.001-05:00

Names: Brother & Sister. No last name. Kinda like Cher, Or that guy that used to call himself Prince. Or the receptionist at the walk=in I go to... whos plan it was to replace her name with a symbol of a uterus.

2010-09-07T19:15:00.000-05:00

meet my sister. she's showing off her cleavage, everybody. by the way.

2010-09-03T12:51:00.002-05:00

my nephew.
who is, both black, and a muffin.

-censored before 6pm-

2010-09-01T22:02:00.000-05:00

sitting quaintly off to the side, at a table for two, the keys of a laptop placed underneath my fingertips. last night the Gods of Dumpstering, reached down from their heavens of hoarding, and a light shone. And lead me through the process of getting my numerous lights (flashlights and YES a headlamp.
three suitcases full of goods - including a computer tower, a ps2, and a laptop. Also, two winterjackets for yours truly,
my eyes are closing. i am going to start going home.
you will hear from me again. and nxt time - no censoring myself. it goes against what I entirely stand for,

the most asshole of them all...!

2010-08-24T04:53:00.000-05:00

a couple points to make here, so I'll start:
1.) its 5am and I should be sleeping, but instead I found it necessary to be here, typing away my much-too-early morning about shiznit that you bitnatches more-than-likely (i'd say about 90%) do not care about. regardless, i will continue on. Because, I, for one, do care. Its my blog, therefore my vote counts for well... lets say.... about 357 votes. In conclusion, I win.

okay, i digress. (o how I love saying thee)
2.) blogs. blogs blogs blogs blongs bongs., err....
All you crazy folks out there love blogs. I love them, you love them. Hey, its alright to have some heavy feelings towards these little guys. Ask me after smoking a joint with me, what I think about the topic: blogs. And the chances are you are going to get a slightly lengthy rant, by yours truly, about the joys and wonders of said topic. (It just so happens that I have been feeling a tad on the political side these days, thus everybody gets to benefit from my newly learnt "stuff"). And I always dream to myself, "maybe it will be i that will oneday get a following of a dozen (o my..!) or so random folk." And because with my immaculate amount of time on my hands, I learn all sorts of wonderful debauchery. And then I feel that I need to tell everyone in listening-distance. But ahgh, frustration. Because there isn't enough time in the day that one can properly allocate to informing people about the cool and neat stuff that I just learnt.
...wait a minute. What about this blogging hogwash that I've been hearing about? Perhaps that may solve my dilemna. To ramble about stupid shit so that I don't have to waste my social experiences doing it. And at the very same time, tell that very same audience about my most favorite of all "stuff" discovered the previous week.
A single, slow clap begins from within the audience. As the clap begins to start heightening, a man in overalls steps forward from the crowd, as an individual. Every individual in the crowd was paying attention now, to this man, and they start to realize his identity. Its was the local sheriff, Travis, the cruel and most pissed-off of them all. A wave of shocked faces in every degree, flooded over the crowd, as they couldn't believe their eyes; this renowned asshole showed an emotion, and a heartwarming one at that! Sheriff Travis' actions influenced a chain reaction of awesome. Suddenly, one by one, the clapping was joined by the crowd. Almost 'skeptical' in its first few moments, the momentum it gained made anyone forget that there was even any doubts to begin with. And soon the whole room was lit up - it reminded me of striking a match, but ridiculously slowly. The feeling that resulted from the experience of that thunderous clapping phenomenon, could only ever be imitated and never fully replicated. I managed an awkward curtsy and shuffled out of the crowd's view. Exit stage left.

^^^^ that message is a rant brought to you by The Good Lungs Of Ceej. In association with Damn Good Bong Rips. A ceejtank original.

si senor

2010-08-22T06:42:00.000-05:00

still apartment hunting. the last one I saw, was in response to a roommate ad posted on kijiji.ca. Stated it was a 2 bedroom, yet he had his mattress in the living room, with the only bedroom for rent. Scummy little place - which is too bad. Wish I took that first place I saw.. well... i tried to. But it had just been scooped up ahead of me.

And more bad luck followed with this bachelor suite that I fell in love with on Stradbrook. Fell in love with its mere $397/month rent, too. Again, shattered. Sigh. Broken heart and apartmentless.

The hunt continues. Wish me el lucko, compadres.

2010-08-03T20:19:00.000-05:00

i dont want to leave but it feels like that is all I can do to relieve any tension from the situation.
where do i go? I have no clue.

its a cheese off

2010-07-29T04:35:00.000-05:00

Click on the link
http://cheeseorfont.mogrify.org/

and basically it brings you to a little game. Called "Is it a cheese or is it a Font???"
Nessa, I dedicate this... to you, dear cousin.

wheres my syrup..?

2010-07-27T13:04:00.000-05:00

Introducing... the slightly new and kinda-sorta-improooooved... Ceej!
So I have spent the past two weeks (while really buckling down this past week), on trying to be healthy. Which includes eating right, keeping my sleep pattern in check (check check. testing one, two), and stuffing my face with food - which, in turn, puts weight on me.
Which is what I want.
Sorry to all those who have the opposite issue - this isn't meant to mock or be an insult. But sometimes I just gotta try harder to put on weight. No, it doesnt mean I do drugs or that I don't eat. More-so, that I don't eat enough.
But thanks to "Stuff-My-Face Week!", I have that issue a lot less.
Give it a shot sometime, if you find yourself in the same situation.

By the way, the outcome is awesome. I look and feel great! Hah, and not to mention, I am completely ad-worthy. Except minus the advertising of products. Unless it is the non-name rip off of eggo waffles. ...Its about time they start advertising.

hangs head in shame

2010-07-21T04:50:00.000-05:00

I know.

Okay, okay, I know. I'm back. It's true. With the final decision between here and tumblr being that I will keep both. I love both my children equally... one is just smarter and one is better looking.

Apartment hunting frenzy.

Thats what I am involved in. I cant find a place. I saw one yesterday. But by the time I got ahold of them today, it was already gone. Even the one for September. Blah. Seemed nice. Anyways, I am looking generally in this area, corydon, osborne, south osborne is definitely fine. Wolesley/West Broadway if I must. No Colony. No go.

chug chug chug chug

2010-05-07T06:25:00.000-05:00

no, I am ashamed to admit it. but I will.
i don't even gain the slightly more superior status of some sort of Blog Whore.
nothing but a Blog Slut.
eagerly attach myself to the newest and best looking blog. easy, too. and cheap. Free works the best.
Nobody pays me, cuz whores are the ones who make money. They have a career. A "job". And with that, perhaps a shred of self-respect. Where-as, the "slut" mercilessly throws herself at the hottest things. At least groupies have preferences.
So this blog slut has just added one more notch to her keyboard.
And perhaps my personality will stumble on over to that little white box, with the potential of words like these.
but better!
And with more pizzazz! and Uoooommph! And hooplah. Always with the hooplah.

errr... uhh.... featuring CJ (redefined. free of any caffeine-free)

5mile radius

2010-05-04T21:18:00.001-05:00

just got in from running down to kenaston and back.
sitting in the back of a car, with whom I thought to be two strangers. on the rainy ride coming back from our destination, I finally introduced myself. "Hey guys. Dont wanna be rude or nothing, but I'm CJ."
"Ya we know. You've been in our house."
Take a closer look at the small portion of the face that I see in the rearview mirror. Those are the eyes and the bridge of a nose of somebody I recognize. And his girlfriend in the passenger seat. Chris and Chelsea!
I havent seen those two in a very long time. And I only ever knew Chelsea as having very long braids in her hair (like almost down to her ass). The rest of the ride home we had a conversation about her finishing another year in art at the U of M, and almost being done school for good. And her big art installation that she had been starting to work on the last time I had seen her - a year and a half ago.
Just now Lauren showed me this blog She's 17 yrs old. And see's the world through the small square opening on her camara . I look at this and I will be honest - i get a little inspired. To take more pictures. To make more art. To see things all pretty-like, like how she does right away for her blog viewers and fans of her photographs. Awesome.
Motivation.
I went two weeks where I was actually practically distraught because I couldn't create. Nothing.
I couldn't color. I could ink some pencil drawings of mine (sometimes), but that was it. Oh woe is me... (*cries on any shoulder in 5m radius*)
I went to dollarama and stocked up on their awesome yet oh-so-inexpensive paint. Some new paintbrushes of the finer-tipped variety, and (wait for it...)..... chocolate. [surprise!]
Seeing all those nicer blogs has left me a little inspired to fancy up this bad boy.
But how....
I'll figure something out. Google will be my god and lead me down the righteous path of blog templates.
Take that jesus! And that, Moses! *fends off*
whew.
and after that workout, I think I need to find myself a new hobby. This fighting off biblical characters isn't the most convenient for me. And its very time consuming. You wouldn't believe how much they like to call a time-out to quote some nonsense. Dont ask.

I have been applying for work the past month. And FINALLY today the clouds broke and the sun shone (and by clouds broke i mean they actually didn't. and by sun shone i mean, i went to dollarama and they're florescent bulbs were too bright) and I received two requests for my work ethic.
Manpower (a placement agency) called this morning. It was a temporary position - about three weeks long. Full time for those three weeks. That wouldn't be bad. Three weeks of straight up making money? Sounded alright. I am borderline desperate at this point. Even attempted to apply at Tim Hortons (yes, mother, I finally settled), but alas, the website wouldnt let me get back step 3 on the online application, and I got sick of re-putting in all my info every time i tried once more.
This Manpower position, however, was in Inkster industrial park. A teeeeeeny bit too far. Hard to get to by bus. Even harder but teleporter. Most standard teleporters only go to the perimeters of industrial parks. It's a mystery why, however. Scientists are working round-the-clock to figure it out.
I turned it down.
I checked my email this evening (forgetting about Manpower ever even calling me about work..) and BAM! (ah!) an email! From fabutan of all places!
The owner of the pembina and grant location wants me to go in for an interview on thursday. I am super super super excited. That job WILL be mine.
Wish me luck.
Or superpowers.
I'll take either or.

2010-05-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

I am really starting to get excited about what I am making for my mom. She requested to buy some of my art. And then she bought me the supplies I'd need and a huge 38"x26" canvass, and then sent me the link of the photo that she wanted me to re-create on that canvass.
I know that she may be expecting one thing, but she'll get something that is much more than that. (eeeee!)
making art makes cj a happy cj.
lately my right wrist has been absolutely killing me. it hurts to draw, it hurts to exercise, and it hurts to turn door handles. and it is driving me crazy. contact juggling does a pretty awesome job of building up the muscles in my right hand, so I should practice that more often. (j'adore contact juggling)
the realization that it might be carpel tunnel makes cj a very sad cj. hope not.
phil is coming to hang out with me and we're getting slurpee's... of course. i'm hooked on those. its serious addiction of mine, and i'd be happy if no one intervened. (that means you)

oh and BY THE WAY, you'd be happy to hear (unless you are a tobacco company) that my implying i am quitting smoking.... is working! i had only one smoke the other day, altho i would hardly call it a smoke. i rolled it out of cigarette butts i had. (is the thought of that making you dry heave a little? the taste wasn't that much more satisfying either).
I have kind of bought a pack since then. I thought I'd let you dedicated readers know this... in case you got a little TOO proud of me.

fedora's get me kessed.

lather, rinse, multi-player

2010-04-23T04:41:00.000-05:00

introducing: something new in my life that i hold near and dear to my heart. we had the bad timing of never meeting before a few months ago even though we both know a lot of the same people. Allow myself to introduce you to: Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
We have been introduced and plan on building a very strong future together, and all we need is a cereal bowl, and then we are all set. And we will be happy forever and ever... etc.etc.
[No milk. Milk ruins the gooodness of it! Wont somebody think of the goodness!!???]

My turn to accidentally drop my phone in the toilet. Taco to the rescue, he just lent me his awesome (COLOR screen!!!) phone to use. Its nice. The one I was using is equivalent to trying to make phone calls with a slab of rock. And the main-main one before that most resembles a brick, but operates like a super nintendo (game isnt working? take out cartridge, and blow in it. rinse and repeat).

surf couch much?

2010-04-18T06:42:00.002-05:00

A pro couch surfer.

2010-04-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

hot damn.. editing the colors on my blog got rid of so many rad comments (mostly on nessa's part.. as she DID attack yesterday). a tad disappointed.
on the plus side, my brother got accepted into this coast guard program where he gets schooling paid for, training paid for, and then will be off to make tons of money being a lovely coast guard. he passed a test that he wrote a few months ago and I just received the news today. effin happy for him. now my sister will be needing a new roommate. (*thinks about it*)
applying like a madman on the world of the internet.
i figure... hey, SOMEBODY'S got to like my spunk! and leave it at that.

(if you know any people in dire need of spunkey employees, send them my way

2010-04-15T07:10:00.002-05:00

Heeeeere, fishy fishy fishy.

"Cya..."

2010-04-12T17:08:00.000-05:00

my dog died.

i am heart broken. justin was over, being an awesome friend and giving me a few smokes, when I got the news. I had to bite my tongue and distract myself as to not lose my head when my friend was over.

i have been crying since the moment he walked out the door.

I am well aware that it was "about time" and that she lived a life of cool tricks and balogna, but that doesn't make me any less devastated.

the world will not see me today. I am not leaving this room unless my bladder is bordering on critical.

ceej laurence1

2010-04-12T11:42:00.001-05:00

ceej laurence1
Originally uploaded by ceejtankit

awwwwww *searches dramatically for stolen airsickness bag from airline*
(whew)

bowsa's splash face

2010-04-12T11:41:00.001-05:00

bowsa's splash face
Originally uploaded by ceejtankit

bwahahahahaha... meet my cat.
now meet my cat getting some h2o to the ol face region.

always brush

2010-04-12T11:40:00.003-05:00

always brush
Originally uploaded by ceejtankit

listen to the piccccccc-ttttuuuuure...

food prepz

2010-04-12T11:40:00.001-05:00

food prepz
Originally uploaded by ceejtankit

guess who that be

plaid

2010-04-12T11:39:00.001-05:00

plaid
Originally uploaded by ceejtankit

its actually just a table cloth. surprise!

hrrrrrgggh..!

2010-04-12T11:38:00.001-05:00

hrrrrrgggh..!
Originally uploaded by ceejtankit

this just makes me wanna puke. bwahaha. compliments of ceej

2010-03-31T11:58:00.000-05:00

i am doomed to forever not have a working computer.
(or a voice.)
my computer has been out of commission.. well, actually its been out of my hands for several months.. say two, two and a half? i gave it to a "friend" of mine cuz he was all like "blah blah blah i know computers. *insert technical term here* see?"
and i fell for it.
i gave him the box of metal and wires and do-hickeys known at my computer tower and let him work his magic.
ahem...
*COFF*
...."magic"

his magic sucked, so say the least. he broke a pin or something. so after a million people stating that they'd help make it work again (and then bailing), i got my dearest brother to take into foster care, my computer. he was busy. etc.etc. finally got it back. its not working. just straight up... blah.

im frustrated.

im achey.

and i have no voice. i seemed to have lost it yesterday. i tried backtracking, but i went so many places. no dice. no voice for dear old ceej.

so im a grump today, and i wish i wasnt.. because its so nice outside and i want to go and do something.

last night, i helped lauren clean one of the apartments next door that is to be rented out. i have never witnessed so much dust... the cleaning took a few hours. we finished at 4 am, after slacking as much as humanly possible. my throat and lungs are in rough shape today after all that dust, so lying down makes it a tad uncomfortable to breathe, so no i havent gotten much sleep.

body breaks

2010-03-26T14:35:00.000-05:00

its not uncommon for me to get very little sleep. its also not uncommon for me to get no sleep at all sometimes. those two statements apply to Lauren as well.

but i have to say, its a terrible and awesome thing at the same time. without saying it, we both just keep being awake until ridiculous hours. when really, we are just glad to finally have the late night company! compared to how our routine used to be? where we felt the need to be absurdly quiet while everyone else slept. stepping on a wrong floorboard, meant the potential rude awakening of a sleeping monster/roommate. and it was BORING! lets see the rest of you consistently try to come up with something to do at 5am. Nothing's open... no one is awake. You get my point.

(point is, woe is me.... sar-caaaa-sm)

anyways, i started this wicked full page art piece and its looking fucking ass-kicking. just started inking it today. lauren got me excited for a little something called "secondary education". Thats right kids; university and/or college. We discussed the possibility of that university in Montreal for arts. And Emily Carr in Vancouver. Which is a lot less expensive than I had already imagined in my mind. Lauren is confident that i'd easily get in to any art school that I would apply to. I think she might be right. Anyone who has stumbled across me in the past two years would clearly note that I was attached to my sketchbook. Quite literally. It took a lot of hours on the operating table, but me and my sketchbook are finally one.

The world gets so damn excited for fridays. And i say, "meh". I'm pumped for them.. see? (*shows some sort of emotion*)

I actually get all worked up on thursday evening and stay up late and then friday i feel like my current condition.

All this is boring nonsense.

Not going to lie; i dont really have anything to say.

This guy I knew, Kris, fell off a balcony on Monday (i think it was Monday).

For all those wondering, he didn't survive. Its been on my mind a lot, since I've heard about it. He was engaged to my friend Tegan, who just less than a year ago, had her baby. She is not older than me. And she just came a long way from the life she had when I met her. I hope she stays strong through all this. It sounds like she has a lot of support, but I still worry. I mean, she has a baby. And I can only imagine what that is going to be like for her from now on.

Wondering where, if any, my friends have been lately?

I'm a lot less boring when the weather is nice. And I can move faster when there is my bike underneath me. I hope things pick up cuz its spring. Cuz im all motivated to find a job-like. And I want to move out of this house and get my own place. One thing at a time - obvvvvviously.

until next time, stay fit and have fun.

(bo and jo-anne? is that you???)

you should probably just throw it in my direction.

2010-03-26T03:00:00.001-05:00

and the days are getting longer. and its officially spring.

and everybody is cleaning their houses with all their rooms and deciding that "nope, i dont think we should keep that perfectly functioning lamp. and all these extra prescriptions that I got filled...? well, i will just throw them out, because I never used them. and my brand new clothes with the price tags? hate the color. toss it out. especially those packs of smokes. wait, let me just smoke two or three cigarettes out of each one. then ya, garbage for those, too."

so to the person(s) that have stated something exactly/similarly to the above statement:... thank you.

you make dumpstering one of the great joys of spring/summer weather.

your garbage is my new awesome stuff.

right effin on.

got my bike out. got my hair tallest its been in awhile. got a hottie lady to aid me in my many journeys.

yup... =)

its gonna be a good next several months. you can tell im excited.

re-rewind.

2010-03-20T01:25:00.000-05:00

today i screamed.

not into my pillow. not at anyone's face (not my style). but in the silent box of the truck cab. by myself - i fucking screamed.

it's not how i imagined it would sound. and it didn't last as long as I thought it would. but it happened.

i wish

it was more satisfying. altho I know the more I scream, it will never likely add up to the satisfactory amount of satisfaction I desire.

what happened today? wasn't I so bubbly bouncing along to my Happy Magical Ska and Reggae hour, not too long before?

not a clue.

now my stomach is left with that feeling... y'know, the one where its empty but its not. where it has a hollow ache from either too many laughs, too many sit ups, or too much sobbing?

its not welcome here.

i am sad this evening.

and more-so very very pissed off.

I keep catching myself clenching my teeth together extremely tight, while busying myself with even the simplest of mundane tasks. unclench, cj. you need those to chew.

drawing hot water.

2010-03-14T16:04:00.001-05:00

drawing hot water.
Originally uploaded by blurred view

making empty conversation to the cold and hot water taps. little to they know, you choose favorites.

the science of exploding

2010-03-04T19:07:00.000-06:00

a late-night last minute RE-realization that we had nothing other than water to drink, last night, turned into a 2am trip to shoppers. water is good, blah blah blah. but it doesnt taste very exciting, and my taste buds were in dire need of some stimulation. seriously, i could shuffle down those aisles forever in shoppers, oooohing and aaaawing at the sale prices and discounts. eventually leading me to make my next cheap flavor discovery. sorry, dont mind me... i am just in awe of the awesomeness of my 69cent 1litre purchase of orange soda.

not to be confused with those kids with cotton candy hands, and orange crush mouths, at carnivals that are last in line and by themselves so get placed in your tilt-a-whirl because maybe you look child-friendly. or like you would swear a lot less during the ride than the other current patrons.

brrrr i woke up today with a chill in my bones that i just cant seem to shake. o and believe me, i have tried.

lauren's brother moved out of the basement here at her place, where i happen to live too, and that leaves an empty bedroom and sort of living area downstairs, just ripe for the pickin. cue cj. i moved a few things into the basement, but now im waiting for her father to insulate the ceiling for the fabulous joys of sound-proofing. and building another wall that holds a door that happens to have a lock so i can sleep in peace. or something.

so more waiting.

thats okay. i think that i have almost perfected it by now. got it down to a science.

science isnt hard, right?..... right????? [panics and then continues to implode]

the factory ceej

2010-03-03T17:15:00.000-06:00

dont worry dont worry, im here im alive.

im fine and healthy and kicking. i was just (sigh) internetless for about month. got a new sketchbook the other day and im five pages into it, and it looks fan-fucking-tabulous.

good thing I didnt have the internet for the past month, because to be honest all you folks would read is something along the lines of this,

"dear magical internet for the month of february,

bitch bit5ch bitch bitch bitch. woe is me. and you. ...and that guy over there. yup, definitely that fellow. anyways, art art art art. threaten landlord's life... but not actually. hate the system. sleep sleep sleep sleep... depressed to the max= sleeping 20 hours a day for about two weeks straight. lack of sunlight. lack of summer. Lauren = love of my life. keeps me going. keeps my head on. money is lacking. maybe there is hope? nope. money is lacking still. and still more.

bitch bitch bitch bitch BITCH complain complain complain.

sincerly,

ceej a leej"

money issues are looking up. im not so complainy.

also not depressed and full swing in some sort of manic dealio.

no complaints for that. will tell you a lil more later.

ps. madly in lurve with my baby, lauren. mwah!

jordans first choice

2010-01-27T00:06:00.000-06:00

"Tell me how could you compromise
Yourself like this?
Tell me how could you blame anyone else
When you aren't really committed?
Tell me where was your head
When you broke that promise to yourself,
The one where you don't forget
Every life lesson that happend before your eyes
So you don't wake up to regret she's gone years away?
You had hopes and dreams of a day
Where everything, everything, everything would come together,
You wouldn't have to be so scared.

Are we just working till a day we decide we've had enough?
All along
We were strong enough
To be sick of it,
And put them back in their fucking place.
Never asked for this responsibility
We were never in this...
Together.

The reality that you know
Is just behind your idea
Of a society, security, and self.
Am I just fucked up?
'Cause I can't remember
The last time any of this made sense,
The last time I
Could stand up to myself.
Street faces all blend into one,
They ask for spare change.
Am I forgetting
What it looks like
From the other side?
Have I forgotten where I've come from?

Are we just working till a day we decide we've had enough?
All along
We were strong enough
To be sick of it,
And put them back in their fucking place.
Never asked for this responsibility
We were never in this...

Together..."

2010-01-25T17:09:00.000-06:00

blasted winter...
so the weather has gotten colder yet again, which has re-kindled my love for warm transportation methods, and not leaving the house.
(ooooo winter jaccccckkkett.... where arrrrre youuuuuu???)
today i am going for hot chocolate with Phil!
phil rocks. I have been friends with that kid since the days of when I was seventeen... and all my friends were 18 and able to purchase beer and etc. and attend the punk shows that I couldn't.
He's the only cat that regularly visited me when I was locked inside the hospital for too long.
And the only one out of that st.b group of friends that still maintains contact for friendship reasons.

I need to dye my hair.
And its getting long and reckless.
Thats about all i have to say.
You're right. It wasnt very dramatic at all!

grind grind grind

2010-01-22T00:47:00.000-06:00

okay, so it is 12:48 and I have just recalled that I was supposed to call back Britney (ex-W.) this evening to hang out. I am terrible. My plan making skills are at an ultimate low...
well, actually i am pretty alright at making plans... but the follow-through? ....apparently that is the one that sucks.
lauren napped this evening from a day of drinking with her aunt. i ran my errands and did my thang. but waiting to long for a stomach ache to pass, followed by cleaning the bathroom (like i had promised days ago)... took way longer than it should have to jog my memory that i was supposed to call her.
Now this Britney character is leaving to BC to live with her mom and the dogs that she trains, in the next week. I think its in the next week? Blah, i feel like a bad friend for being so shitty with hanging out with people.
I mean, its true.
Lately (umm... definitely no less than a year) I haven't been wanting to go out. Been to Gio's a few times here and there (once in the past month... and one other time a several months before that)... but I havent found the drive to go and get my ass out.
I guess I am down and out because of the events in the past five months.
I have been in a dead-lock battle with the landlord "Steve".
[apologize to anyone named Steve]... but now the name makes me incredibly pissed off when I hear it.
I am sick of re-telling the story and saying the same words again.
But the key words of the story are Human Rights Commission, Tenancy Board, and don't fuck with CJ.
Enough said.

who loves jungle??

2010-01-14T17:46:00.001-06:00

mmmm sweet delicious old school jungle...

Uk Apachi and Shy Fx - Original Nuttah by Begi

Live sa bat' machines 7.10.09 by Sa Bat' Machines

2010-01-14T15:52:00.001-06:00

Live sa bat' machines 7.10.09 by Sa Bat' Machines

I highly recommend listening to this. I can't stop replaying it, personally. A wicked dubby worldly sounding mix by Sa Bat' Machines. ceej is absolutely addicted to it. Enjoy!

toast!

2010-01-13T20:17:00.000-06:00

cue Rocky from Rocky and Bullwinkle: "and now here's something you'll REALLY enjoy!"
Here you are, some select pickins of recent(ish...?) stuff I've done.

pa pow

2010-01-13T08:13:00.000-06:00

this past week hasbeen ripe full of juicy information.
one) i may more-than-likely be able to go to school for Production art (graphic design) with NO expense to me
two) time to apartment hunt. looks like reality of it is... this landlord sucks
three) preparing to file complaint against landlord. taking it to the Human Rights commission. (dont fuck with me... all this is ammo my mom filled me with)
four) lots of art-goodness filled news with possible studio space, free supplies, and a new project (its large!)

i demand drumrolls!

2010-01-11T20:31:00.000-06:00

mmm delicious stupid cigarette... how fabulous and disgusting it is.
i answered the question today "what year did you graduate?"
2004.
Maybe its just me, but I just realized I have spent the past two years thinking that I only graduated four years ago..
umm... oops.
what year is it?
2010.
If my math serves me correct, that is a total of 6 years. Therefore the past two years I have been living in this crazy delusional world in my head.
Not like it makes any difference to me.
Except the little office in which I answered that question to was attached to a building that I walked out into afterwards. Where I ran into an old classmate from.. (drumroll pleeeease).... ahem, 2004. This old classmate had graduated four years of university and hence forth moved on with her life and got a job (with a SALARY!) in said building, weirdly enough, helping "people like me". ha.
sigh.
that was strange.

2010-01-07T21:07:00.000-06:00

"Mom!! You got me a man??? You shouldnt have!" are the words that came from my sisters mouth when she started opening her gift.

Nephew. Aka Muffin.

photos fr.xmas

2010-01-07T18:16:00.000-06:00

**Notice the white knucles**
Driving out to Vassar was a bit tense. Snow and whatnot... as I seem to recall.

Sister looks scared. Or excited... or something?
Im not too sure. But here she is either way.

Mumsie

I got hair products... sweet sweet hair products.

Nice face, brother.

**notice the very serious eyebrows**
I'm very serious about it being xmas day.

Mom got a new bluetooth headset. So she can call her lovely children and drive hands-free.. all at the same time!

My stomach-is-full Face, after the appetizing supper.

Thats a better face for Brother.... who gets the strangest xmas gifts... this being Pickled Herring.
I am guilty of buying him 5 different varieties of mustard a few years ago.

Playing a board game... I dont know how far that got.
The questions were hard. The no one asked the easy ones because they didn't want the other team to get ahead.

2010-01-05T03:35:00.000-06:00

ugh. woken up at what would be considered an hour that could be worse.. by one, my cat.
who, in lies the exact same traits as me - ask anybody. her bratty qualities will be the death of me, i feel when I wake up to her debauchery.
sigh, i love her regardless. and she has a great way if sucking-up when i have ill thoughts of her.
too smart, that cat. k maybe not all the same qualities.

2010-01-03T22:58:00.000-06:00

today I am sick. hopefully tomorrow I will be feeling better.
because I have just been advised: it is monday.
Yippee!
Everybody else is grumbling about it, but I'm finding that I am little more excited than them.
All day long I had myself CONVINCED that tomorrow was Sunday, and that I had to wait one whole more day until the legendary (well, it is now..) Monday.

c'mon postal service, dont let me down now!

bent to feel

2010-01-01T01:21:00.000-06:00

i won't disclose, but it was the most terrifying thing to be informed of.
the most terrifying thing to be involved in.
having to hear the news.
and the re-cap.
and distinguish the discontent.
and attempt to remember the impossible.
maybe even a few moments before that? improbable.
threatening the very existence of anything precious
in the form of my memories.
threatening so much more than that.
pure blackmail.
and i still won't articulate, but I explicitly won't forget..
not withstanding and regardless that I still don't remember...
those ten minutes to me passed in what felt like a fraction of a second.
a blink. the simple involuntary action of a blink.
wish I could say the same for my counter-part,
because that lifetime (formally known
as my ten minutes) was
proportionately
petrifying in a completely asymmetrical way.
watch for the chest to fall.

introducing: ye oldez (remix)

2009-12-30T04:18:00.000-06:00

(this isn't a cop-out. taken a page from my sketchbook and accessorized it, photoshop style, beeetchezzzz.)

ye olde

2009-12-30T03:32:00.000-06:00

the Vassar.
also known as Vassar. small town. and in my professional opinion, it is about as small as they come, and still decreasing in size. (that is, all except for one very rowdy weekend once every year where people celebrate when beer and baseball procreated, and thus Li'l Baby Beer Gardens was born... (but that is a story for another time, children)
this town is tucked away behind a load of trees and snowmobile trails down in one corner of manitoba. It has three streets, appropriately nicknamed by Nessa and myself as Higgins, Portage, and Main... ykno, so that we feel a little bit closer to home. There is a general store, owned and operated entirely by one man. I am not quite sure of my relation to him, although I have a feeling that it is through "family". I have never witnessed this character anywhere other than behind the counter at this store. In front of it are two old-school gas pumps that has evidence of probably worked (once upon a time); scientists estimate that it was somewhere around the Mesozoic period. No one can be sure.

The store closes early. So buy your cigarettes before supper. The church has its doors open to the public for more hours a day than ye olde general store does, it seems to me. I couldn't tell you how late the church is open. There is an eerie-ness about wandering the almost-vacant town at night, when you can hear the electricity crackle and pop as it zips through the telephone wires over-head, and the only thing you pass is a cemetary and a few stray dogs when on route to the church. So no, I haven't personally checked what time the doors of Vassar church is open until at night.

[Without exaggerating too much...]
it is my guess that of the 14 houses standing on each of the three streets, only 11 are occupied. The town residents get older, and anyone who was then considered of younger generation have had little poop machines of their own (x3) in larger neighboring towns.
A sad, yet tragic, yet somehow beautiful thing I find about the Vassar, is it's impending ghost town status. And I will miss it. As eerie as it seems to my pansy-ass self at times, i fucking love this place. A lot of warm and cozy and family-oriented memories were created here. And lots of turkey dinners, complete with mashed potatoes. O, and the jello.

That with that being said, Vassar is where I spent my Christmas, like how I always spend it. With two floors full of french-accented men and women that I call my family. Lots of wrapping paper, chocolates, and camera flashes (as always), and hugs and warm wishes. That is the one thing I like about Christmas. But if you ask me, I would enjoy it anytime of the year that this could happen. It is not exclusive to the 25th of December. And neither Thanksgiving and Easter, for that matter.
Therefore, I still am not the biggest fan of christmas. And I just rationalized the only part of the holiday that I actually enjoy. So take that!

New years is approaching just as quickly as xmas. ....or any other single day of the year, really. We're thinking that maybe the renting of a hotel room is in the works. Fuck cover charges to bars and events. A house party is what I would really enjoy, but I haven't got my eyes on any of those, this time around. We shall see.
Perhaps what you folks need is a good dose of a few pages of ye olde sketchbook.
Ye olde, again???? I'll ye olde everything, gawddamnit! Justyou watch!

2009-12-19T14:58:00.000-06:00

I am sitting and waiting here patiently for a call back or a text message from the woman who gave birth to a screaming me, many a-year ago. It was the mother's birthday a few days ago, and I made her something I hope she'll fucking love.
I am sure all of you can keep a secret (also I wont give out her phone number, so you can ruin the surprise), but I painted and scratched away at the surface of a 12inch vinyl so that it made an elephant constellation among many stars. The mother is a big fan of giraffes, and elephants, and little knick-knacks that seem authentically african, altho they were made somewhere in the states. And by that they really meant it was made in a basement somewhere in portage la prairie.
But that is beyond the point. I do think she'll love it.

Christmas is coming up. By the way.
Anyone who didnt notice, just making sure you see this. Christmas is coming, and quickly. Less than a week. Sorry if you were stressing about unbaked goods, or unbought presents, but I thought I'd turn the heat up a little bit and light a fire under your metaphorical asses.
Ahhhhhhh, isn't the pressure just absolutely wonderful???

That means there is 6 more days I have to fill up a few blank pages in either of my sketchbooks. That will be two complete sketchbooks in one year (count it: christmas to christmas, bitches)

Thank YOU, baby jesus, for the plethora of mandarin (aka "christmas...") oranges that enter my belly on a daily basis.
See? We have lots to be thankful for.
Damn it. It's not thanksgiving, tho. So now what?

o christmas tree, o christmas tree

2009-12-16T18:21:00.000-06:00

O terrible boredom.
This house in which I am currently staying, is COLD. Before the family moved in here, either previous tenants, or half-assed contractors hired by the scumbag landlord, built an addition to the house, in which there is no insulation..
What??
Really??
Did they forget that this is Winnipeg??
Anyways, I hardly stray more than ten feet away from my personal little heater, which keeps the bedroom at almost a decent temperature for a few minutes after the heater turns itself off. Making food, means putting on another sweater or two, and a couple extra pairs of socks, to bear the coldness of the kitchen area.
I don't have a winter jacket.
It's somewhere at my sister/brother's house. Packed away in a box. I figured, when that box was packed, that I would already have another place of residence by the time it got this cold, and that said box would already be unpacked in my new abode.
Lauren has been gone for the evening- working, and helping the family act civil towards each other while putting up the christmas tree.
christmas tree.... christmas tree...
o right! its that so-called Christmas coming up. O lordy. The holiday in which I have a love/hate relationship with. It doesn't agree with any of my morals. And neither does the holiday music- I've come to discover. (That one struck me one xmas season, years ago, working in a mall.)

So I am here waiting for Lauren to finish her duties, while i quietly bide my time... doing god-knows-what, making art, and napping (lots of napping). In fact, i haven't been able to stop napping the past week or so. It's been really hard to actually get up out of bed, at all. I could really just sleep the days away. Something tells me I have become slightly depressed. Working past it, seems hard and full of effort... but worth the attempts.
Perhaps a hunt for chocolate will lift my spirits! I have a hella sweet tooth that needs its cravings a-fixxxxxxxed.

update: still no word from fucking-jerk-face disability, who owes me money from a few months back now. my patience is wearing thin. but not like that makes any difference at all..

2009-12-15T16:19:00.000-06:00

I'm coming around. You'll see, just give it good time and you'll see.
And I am sure you all have good ideas about. Nobody lies to nobody, is what I have come to learn. Call it a life lesson or something. Or something. Or something.
Give me a break.

bruised billy-joel new york state-of-mind

2009-12-15T14:23:00.000-06:00

lighting up to pass the time
and not a moment too soon.
before my head took notice
and took cover
here I stand, hung up on a few details
of imperfections and not-good-enoughs.
is it true?
compare my reflection to theirs
suddenly i don't look the same.
older eyes
with less to show..
except memories of the bottom of the world.
thought I was done
but I was really just wrong.

this is mighty chewy

2009-12-08T02:23:00.001-06:00

...click on that. i can't believe this guy.
Want to read a scary article about this guy the president trusts and his "genius" child-porn mumbo-jumbo???

that article is ridiculous.

...my eyes keep closing whilst attempting to focus on the screen in front of me. So I am here rambling to you guys via this thing, to waste more time. Ten more minutes. Eight more. Five.
Looking at pictures of athiest cats, reading articles about Obama's failure-in-process, browsing endless drum-and-bass sights, and re-thinking my approach to life.... all things that i have participated in, in the last half hour.

and now, after realizing that the time is 2:48 in the am, i am considering bed as a fantastic *yawn! stretch*.... idea.
g'nite y'all.

2009-11-30T16:22:00.000-06:00

kar-fucking-ma

2009-11-27T10:07:00.000-06:00

this morning i guess I felt refreshed, after a grand total of 3 (count it) hours of sleep. As refreshed as I could have been, and more soft spoken than usual (given the circumstances), I indulged in a re-frozen slurpee from last night and chatted before, during commercials, and after an episode of The City, with Lauren. We complained about our lack of sleep, and decided that we are not in as prime health as one would like. I found myself this little file sorter ma-bob last month, and cleaned out the other persons documents, and re-labelled the dividing tabs so it was much more suited to my needs (the past two nights).
Human Figures/Living Situations/Oldies/ Magazine Clippings/ Lists I Cant Seem to Toss/Newspaper Cutouts/ Collage Stuffs...etc.etc.etc.
I dug out this old piece of paper that I fetched from the mail box of my old apartment, y'kno... the one I really fucking liked? I let myself into the building (fuck you, it's my key now), and got some old mail. And today I really REALLy read over some of the papers. They weren't addressed to me, and I am well aware that it's some sort of federal offense to open someone elses mail (it benefitted me in the past, for when I randomly opened a package addressed to an old tenant, inside was the exact replacement battery that I needed for my phone), so don't worry about giving me shit. The emotional pain and anguish my guilty conscience has suffered is punishment enough (~suppresses laugh~).
It was addressed to my former roommate, whos name was on the lease. And it was from the tenancy board, so I felt like I had every right to open that single envelope. I was living there and all. Anywho, upon further inspection today, I read at the bottom of the second sheet about how we REALLY had until October the 6th, to vacate that damn apartment. NOT the 25th of September, like that roommate, and my more recent of former roommates (Bitch-ard) had led me to believe. Ugh. I could have bought myself much more time, than the day they had given myself to pack up ALL my belongings and get out.
Sigh.
C'est la vie.
I got all upset shortly after reading this. And then reading that had the former roommate (who's mail I opened) could have stopped this, but instead chose to NOT show up at the court hearing. I think my eyes leaked a little bit. And then I sighed a whole lot more and made Lauren hold me while I poured my heart out about not expecting any single individual human being to treat me at all like how I treat them (which is too nice. I am way too nice. and yes, this is a disadvantage), but instead at the very least like another respectable human- their equal. Maybe I am wrong to think that everybody should have this benefit, but I still stand by it. Regardless.

So to all the assholes out there who take people for granted, and consider their friends really as just another bridge to burn... fuck you.
Karma, bitches.

2009-11-25T02:34:00.000-06:00

careful now.

2009-11-25T02:30:00.000-06:00

This is most obviously a massive makeout session between me and L.Slice.
As a result, the victims are rumored to be upwards of 56 innocent bystanders. It is thought that there are at least three individuals on vacation from Peru, that were also lost in the madness.

Rescue workers are continuing their efforts.

armed with only a pencil, she was more dangerous than they'd ever know.

2009-11-24T21:22:00.000-06:00

to me the best feeling in the entire world is when my hands and arms, past my elbows is covered in paint. when there are a too-large array or markers and a million different pencils scattered all over the floor, bed, and couch. when the lines just flow, and when the colors surprise even me and make everything look better.
the best feeling in the world, is depicting the all insane scribbles I see inside my head on that piece of paper, that canvas, that napkin... and feel like I have accomplished explaining myself to the surrounding world, just a little better.
even though I am well aware that they are just probably more confused than they were to begin with.
the greatest feeling, when I refuse to throw out every little doodle and scribble made while waiting for my booster juice, or while sitting crammed against the window on a busy transit bus on the way home. Finding inspiration from the repetitive world downtown, or the even more repetitive suburban lifestyle. Checking out the sky in awe and wishing i could replicate the color scheme in a piece I started last night.

The best feeling... is letting my hand lead the way and create something I so previously I had thought impossible for me to do. I sigh. I smile. I get excited and motivated to attack my sketchbook once more. It's been since last Christmas that I have filled a sketchbook and a half. It wouldnt surprise me if I filled the other half of that one, by the time Christmas rolls around again. No sketchbooks handy?
No problem.
I just create and turn everything in my life into one big art project.

I love my brain. I love these hands. And I love that nobody holds me back from what I really love in life. And if they were to try, they wouldn't succeed.

bitches. bitchesbitchesbitches bitches

2009-11-20T18:18:00.000-06:00

Alphonze is so fecking rad. That's my rat. Rightnow he is trying to find where the chocolate is at.

Disability makes me cry. More than once this week. I am so frustrated, that I could explode. I was hoping that things would have been taken care of by today, but its not. I am so sick of explaining the situation, so I am not even going to bother on here.
If I knew ahead of time, or even a few weeks ago, I could have been looking hard for work. If I wasn't to expect these November benefits, then I would have found another way to make up rent money, and money to pay my fucking bills. But no, I waited and waited and waited, and talked on the phone (accomplishing fuck all), and then waited and waited again. And I am still waiting.
Thats right. I love it (retch).
So that is my release of frustration, complete with exasperated noises, hand gestures, and obviously smoke signals.

We went for a ride to get slurpee's and now i honestly feel better. maybe its the slurpees. Maybe it is the good vibes and energy from Lauren during the truck drive. Maybe it's the fact that everything IS, in fact, going to somehow someway work out, and that I just need to stop whining and shut the fuck up about it and just go make some nachos.
cuz I am fucking lucky that I have this place to stay. And I am fucking lucky that there is food to eat, and that i still have a phone to use. And hey, whats this... internet, too? Seeeee now, I have a lot to be thankful for. And by the time I get my november benefits, I will be getting december's not long thereafter. And that will be fucking nice.
fuck.
yes.
bitches.

2009-11-17T15:10:00.000-06:00

today i woke up to people, left and right, giving me shit.
i love when that happens.
my sister calling me and giving me a hard time. my disability office giving me shit because they don't have the right information STILL, to issue me the money I am supposed to be living off of for the month of november. It's not much, but it is still something that I rely on to pay my bills.
Last night I had a great amazing fun time with Lauren. But this morning is a different story.
I love the girl, and am happy that she has a job now. I packed her a lunch and sorta-waved her off to work today. Now I wait here, for some sort of money miracle to happen before I can do anything.

hack coff coff wheeeeze

2009-11-15T12:36:00.000-06:00

I am super exhausted again the past few days. And yet I find that I still cannot sleep. When I am awake, I decide that I am not coherent enough to function in the real world. Or I avoid stepping outside because I am slowly reverting back to my ways of Hermitism. It's a rare condition in which I completely avoid interacting with the real world. The world can come interact with me, if they want to make small talk. Until then, it just ain't happening.
I am sure there are healthier ways to go about doing things.
Cigarettes feel way too good in my lungs this week. My cough is an excellent display of the quality of said smoked cigarettes.

Lauren has gotten a job at Ipsos. I used to work there. I remember not liking it, and trying to get out of it. I believe it lasted about three weeks or so. Alas, guess where I found myself 5 or so days ago? ....In the office of Ipsos, checking [ ] YES to Have you ever worked at Ipsos before? on their application form.
I am not going to lie. I am fucking terrified of getting an actual job. Sure, I may seem like a fully functional individual, but don't let it fool you... I have a hard time being consistent. My mood swings determine how I believe I really truly feel about the job, and that determines the rest of the story.
ugh. social anxieties and pressure and whatnot.
see? shit like this makes me wonder if perhaps I would be better off on my prescribed meds [ahh, the eternal question...]...

I still haven't gotten my check for social assistance, like I was supposed to get at the beginning of November. Sigh. They want to make sure me and Lauren's dad are not "common-law"....
....
woah. no thanks. [thats awkward] So I have to wait and wait and wait and then do it all over again. Funds are getting low, and it's making it hard to do anything.

My mom is taking me out for lunch today. I better call her back. I can't wait. Ever since I moved out of my mom's, we get along so so so much better. You know how all that nonsense goes.

virgo

2009-11-13T08:51:00.000-06:00

We figured out our cats' zodiac signs.
....
really?

(bowsa's a virgo!)

2009-11-09T03:17:00.000-06:00

my cat is in love with my girlfriend.
others may find this weird.
i think my cat has good taste.

no picking at it.

2009-11-07T04:09:00.000-06:00

have you ever wondered if your grandfather, uncle, or oldest brother thrice removed looked like a lesbian???
compare now, and find out!!

THESE OLD MEN ARE ACTUALLY REALLY TRULY OLD MEN...!

(ceej will not be held responsible for any scarring. viewer discretion is advised)

cya petey

2009-11-05T14:32:00.000-06:00

Rest in Peace Petey.
cheers to the most comfortable guy I ever knew. (pajama pants and work-less days.)

It's unfortunate to say that everybody saw this coming. I am NOT being an asshole by stating the obvious. It just sucks.
I am pissed off. Angry that he let it get to that.
Angry that he fell so hard into heroin, that this was bound to happen.
I want to throw things and kick everything else.
Petey was a fucking cool guy when I met him a few summers ago. And we had some damn cool adventures together. I'll miss the guy I knew. I hope his family is doing okay.
I hope his friends smarten the fuck up now.
I dont want to lose any more friends. Fuck... who does???

to the owner of the blue honda

2009-11-04T01:07:00.000-06:00

i got my kitty back. she hadn't gone anywhere that I hadn't put her.
but i went and got her back.
now she is all doped up. awkward standing on those doped up kitty legs of hers.
therefore sleep is either a must or a really welcoming choice.
===
it breaks my heart when I see my baby cry and I dont know what to do
to make her smile, except to make monster noises with my throat cuz i had a li'l somethin-somethin stuck back there.
===
o thom yorke... you are slowly owning my soul.
===
i dont even like smoking cigarettes. i crave them, but not as much as I smoke them. I just need something to do. Constantly. Even when I am doing something, i have to be doing another something more! It's a vicious cycle... my something-doing is never fulfilled
--dramatically breaks down and then waits patiently for academy award--
===
bong? did someone say bong? wait, was that me?
...no matter. whoever it was, you just made an excellent point.
===
ps.fuck you jd

2009-10-28T22:25:00.001-05:00

my new found love and adoration is.....
slurpees!
omg yes. they are so beautiful and make my throat a wonderful mess of awesome.